The Long Game After Loss


I am writing to you from eleven years post-loss.

Eleven years of growing, writing, becoming and witnessing what showed up on my path here.

At first, the witnessing was just for me so I could re-enter but around year four or five it became ‘witnessing for you’ so I could help you re-enter.

These letters I write to you every week are from the future and they are sent back to you so you could find your way.

This specific letter is about helping you have patience and persistence as you go forth.

This journey is long my darling and I wish it wasn’t.

Not only for your healing but for the new life you want for yourself.

I hear your life calling you from so far away.

And sometimes it is hard to hear it.

But the voice will get louder and you will be able to hear it every single day.

You must know this.

You mustn’t give up.

Keep walking on the path back to life.

I know there are some tough nights where you lose hope.

But when you get up in the morning find a way back to hope.

We can never lose our knowing that it can be good again.

This requires years of believing and doing, and creating, and becoming and seeing.

Many years.

I created a general timeline after loss from my own experience.

Your timeline might be different but I hope this will give you a glimpse into a possible future especially if you are early on.

If you are in year one, just know there will be many nights ahead of you where you will want to give up.

Please don’t, however convincing the feeling of giving up is.

If you are in year two, you will feel as if things are getting worse.

As if it’s all going backward.

You now realize how real the loss is.

And it is here to stay.

I am so sorry about that.

I tried to make this part go away but couldn’t.

Year two is hard.

In year three you will start to breathe again, not as often as you would like but enough to know it is possible to have something good in your life again.

Until year three you can’t give up on hope.

Promise me?

Year four is almost as if your eyesight is coming back.

You can see a little further ahead.

But you are still hurting.

Now you feel stuck because some of the pain is gone but you don’t know who you now are.

In year five you may be feeling a little more ready for a new life and you are actually making strides but be very mindful as to what it is that you are creating.

It should come from your dreams and not from your fears.

In year five I left my fear based decisions and said yes to my dreams.

Not an easy thing to do but it is worth it.

In year six you get to let go of more people.

You feel lonely sometimes.

You wonder whether anyone will ever get you.

But you care about that less now.

There is a quiet confidence in you.

There is an awareness that comes from loss.

A true gift.

You have that now.

And some people can’t be a part of your life in this more aware state.

You see way too much.

Smiley face here. 🙂

In year seven you think you are finally getting somewhere with joy and moments of happiness.

You are finding out about the identity that has come into your life after loss.

It is your new identity that you are truly embracing now.

You might even find yourself in some crazy adventures.

I started flying planes in year seven.

I also wrote my first book. What will you create? I am so excited for you.

In year eight you might feel a little tired of working so hard.

You will start wanting to let go of the busyness.

You might pull back and go in your alone zone, which is fine.

Don’t worry if you do.

Loneliness is part of this journey.

And you can handle it.

In year nine you feel like you are ready to question your old dreams and start new ones. These ones are magical.

These dreams are from the new you.

In year ten you are reflective but also like a unicorn.

You see how different from others you are and you don’t care.

You actually like that you are different.

Year eleven takes you beyond this experience.

Beyond the small mindedness of the world.

You feel the closest to your true self.

I can’t wait to see what happens next.

And as you read this today know that your timeline might be different… find it.

Write it down.

Depending on where you are, find your spot and know this:

You are going to be ok.

As a matter of fact, you will be more than ok.

You will feel like you have lived many lifetimes in one and you will like the person you have become.

You will be grateful for the adventures, and above all, for the bridge, you created beyond the smallness of an average life.

You see, loss does that.
It takes us out of average and into extraordinary. (Click to Tweet!)

With witnessing your journey,

Christina

P.S. Any questions about our upcoming Life Reentry classes, Beyond Reentry class and our professional training schedule please email here.

Comments

  1. Dear Christina,
    I love this post! I am at 6 1/2 years and this is spot-on! I am about to embark on my annual trip with 8 other girl friends, all widows of all different ages from all over the country. We would not know each other if it wasn’t for loss and I treasure my week with these beautiful ladies. They have been such a gift to me and just being together, all knowing what we know now, is so peaceful and joyful. I sent them all the link to this post! So well done. Thank you!

  2. Dear Christina,
    It’s been a little more than a month since my grandfather passed. He was my best friend since i was little. I miss him sooooo much, i think i miss his voice more then anything. I still feel soo numb and all but the last few weeks readinv your posts have helped a lot.
    I just wanted to say thank you cor all you do to help us!
    Morgan
    Douglassville,pa

  3. I begin year 4 since my husband
    Died suddenly May 31,2014. I have widow friends that have dated and married.I can’t even imagine loving anyone like I loved Mike.

  4. Sept 6 will mark my first year without my husband of 49 1/2 years. He died suddenly and without any warning. We thought his health was great.
    I fear I have made a huge mistake in buying another house with out the sale of the home we shared until his death! My daughter is helping me meet the financial obligations knowing I will repay my debt to her. Realtors are driving me mad. I am exhausted.
    I am lost in this world. I was spoiled even more than I knew. He took care of so many things in our life…I miss him. It seems it has been years since I saw his handsome face, held his warm hands. My friends think I am doing okay because that is what I show to them. Behind my closed doors I am a mess. And you tell me year two will be even harder? Dear God! What’s to keep me sane?

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Christina Rasmussen

Welcome to the Message in a Bottle page, here you will find wisdom, truth and tools for you to start over. Make sure you sign up at the top to be sure to receive it in your inbox every Friday.