There will always be setbacks, especially in the beginning.
When I say beginning, I mean the first 2 to 3 years after loss.
Sorry I didn’t say six months or one year.
That is not even the beginning, that is the aftermath.
So, in the first few two years it will feel as if you are not moving forward.
You will be taking at least two steps back and maybe a half step forward.
But that half step is building your forward momentum even if it doesn’t feel like it.
Remember everything is broken right now.
This half step is a MIRACLE.
You getting up in the morning and showering after a tough night is a miracle.
You going to work again and again this week, a miracle.
Even though these may not feel like half steps to you, they really are.
I know sometimes you compare the self before loss with the self after loss, that is unfair.
You can’t do that. The old self did not have a broken heart.
The old self did not spend the whole night crying.
The old self did not have to lift furniture alone.
The list goes on, and it is a very long list.
So, next time you see yourself taking a half step forward and two steps back know that you just experienced a miracle. Nothing less.
As I look back at myself during those early years, going for job interviews, feeding my kids, and doing all the human tasks with a broken self, I wish I had told myself that I was superhuman in those moments.
Instead I told myself that I was not doing a good job, that I needed to do better.
My half steps were a miracle and I didn’t even know it.
And this is why I am writing this letter to you today.
If you have just taken two steps back, know that it is necessary so you have the ability to take that half step forward.
Without the two steps back the half step won’t happen.
One day in the near future, the half step will become one full step.
The two steps back will become one. Can you see this?
Soon your back steps will become less frequent.
And your forward steps the only constant.
And today, if your steps are going backwards please remember this letter.
Your half step will have a turn soon.
I know where you are heading. And from where I am sitting it is a beautiful place.
With many half steps,
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