I am a highly sensitive and vulnerable person, but I look like the toughest cookie you will meet.
I have layers of armor around me.
I have a stance, a rock solid foundation and above all many thick layers of skin.
And all of this because I am easily heartbroken.
I feel rejected with just a glance.
Criticized with just a word.
Abandoned with just one absence.
But you would never know.
Even the people closest to me think I am tough as nails.
And they could not be further away from the truth.
I have just mastered the art of getting back up again.
I have mastered the illusion of strength, so I am protected by the world’s dark side.
My brain now knows that not many things can truly stop me in life.
I believe I can take on whatever comes my way, but this attitude is one I choose to carry with me. Not because I am tough, but because I am not.
The thick skin is something I can put on and take off.
The warrior self is an armor that I have built over time.
But now 9 years after my biggest loss, I can honestly say I am starting to go out into the world without my skin’s many layers, without the armor and without the stance.
I now trust that this vulnerable self is so precious and so loving, that she can conquer grief. She does not need to be protected anymore.
She is able to stand on solid ground, because she knows who she is.
I believe that this is possible for you as well.
You might have gotten really good at looking strong.
And that is totally ok.
As long as one day you can stand in front of life’s toughest days with your core self, the part of you that is made of love.
Because when we do, nothing and nobody can truly destroy us.
The question for you this week is where are you in this process of resilience?
The Armor Stage: is the period of time during which you don’t have the ability to protect yourself, and you look to find anything you can from around you to build the armor.
The Thick Skin Stage: is the period when you have what you need to show up looking tough at a moment’s notice.
The Love Stage: is when being tough is not what you want anymore for yourself. Your identity has reached a point of grounding, love and knowing who you now are. Fear of loss and rejection has taken a back seat and you feel certain that who you are is enough.