Forgive they tell you.
Forget they insist.
After all, the spiritual thinkers believe that forgiveness is key to healing.
How could I doubt them.
How could I ever think that forgiveness is not necessary to heal.
But since I am not a spiritual thinker, or a guru and never will be, I can say that forgiveness is a nice-to-have experience, but not necessary for living a big, full, life.
When my husband died a few things took place that were absolutely unforgivable and of course unforgettable.
Eight years later I still think about those things, but they have no emotional charge.
They don’t impact my life.
Did I forgive them, not really.
Did I forget, not at all.
But it is a non issue.
If I was to go back and go through a forgiveness process, talk to these people about what happened and blah blah blah… I would be turning myself back.
I would be revisiting something that is so behind me.
I don’t forgive or forget, but I see it all from a different vantage point.
I know you want to know how to get there yourself and my answer to that is, knowing yourself. Trusting yourself to know the truth and to stand in it with grace.
For me forgiveness is the ability to have the courage to move past it because I know better.
However, if you have no choice but to have these people in your life there is one thing that I learned recently.
Being able to have humanity towards someone who has done the unforgivable is the key to moving on.
It is the key to healing.
You don’t necessarily forgive or forget, you just have the capacity to still be the human you are towards the people who hurt you.
And then walk away. No emotional charge. No regrets. No revenge. No anger.
Just a simple knowing of who you are and why you show up the way you do.
Forgiveness is overrated.
But holding on to your values especially with people who hurt you is priceless.
I could never forgive certain people in my life, but I can still treat them with respect and smile at them knowing who I was, who I am and who I get to be.
During the holidays if you have to sit next to someone who you can not forgive, look at them from the part of your soul that knows who they are, but most importantly knows who you are. And that is when you give them your biggest most glorious smile.
With many unforgettable smiles,
Image courtesy of rarefrutifan.