It Has to Be Easy at First


After someone we love dies we spend years in this untamed pain.

We spend every waking hour tortured.

We learn to survive the big, deadly waves.

We get hit, over and over again.

We get dragged in the water, and thrown out unconscious.

Unconscious.

But we are not dead.

Just our mind is.

Our feelings have left our body.

Our heart doesn’t know what to feel with the hourly, daily impact.

When the next wave hits we survive it from that unconscious state.

There is no human healing there.

No restoration.

Just a barbaric survival.

When the waves lessen in frequency our unconscious survival effort doesn’t.

We continue to live as if the impact is still deadly.

In our mind the waves keep hitting us with the same lethal force.

This merciless version of reality takes over.

Completely.

Utterly.

We wake up every morning preparing for the hit and a forsaken life.

Companionless.

Paralyzed.

Flattened.

No more.

I won’t let you stay in the ocean.

I won’t let you convince yourself that you are still being knocked out, just like you were the first day.

We are going to stop this senseless experience.

How, you might ask?

Take a moment to breathe consciously.

Your body is free to stand up and walk away from this experience.

Your mind is free to find a new place to call home.

The waves can’t stop hitting you all at once, but we can make them less frequent.

I am going to ask you to shift your mind from the pain to something very basic like the grass on your feet.

A book.

Something solid.

It has to be basic and unchallenging at first.

It has to be easy.

We just need to take you away from the waves.

We need to exit in a flat way.

Go get your nails done. (Click to Tweet!)

Get a haircut. Bake a cake. Go window shopping.

And if you think these suggestions are ridiculous and you can’t change your life by baking your way out…

Think again.

Consider this for me. The waves will keep hitting you if you stay unconscious.

This is the first step to finding your new ground and making sure fear won’t get in the way of that.

For me the first step back to conscious living was moving all the furniture around in my house.

I literally changed the beds around.

I bought a TV for the bedroom.

I unframed all the framed pictures and got new ones on the walls.

I replaced my car.

So every time I glanced at the small changes I had made they took me out of that infinite barbaric wave experience.

Even for just one moment.

I escaped. I took the controls.

It’s your turn.

With basic life skills,

Christina

 

Comments

  1. I have been meaning to text to you Christina for a very long time. You have helped me survive my husbands death from pancreatic cancer. The two year anniversary is coming up soon and without your encouraging words I’m sure I would be hopelessly lost. But I’m gonna be ok. All because of you and my Holy Savior. Saying Thank you is not enough. Much love sent your way

  2. I have been meaning to text to you Christina for a very long time. You have helped me survive my husbands death from pancreatic cancer. The two year anniversary is coming up soon and without your encouraging words I’m sure I would be hopelessly lost. But I’m gonna be ok. All because of you and my Holy Savior. Saying Thank you is not enough. Much love sent your way

  3. I think I have so many gaps in living. Not able to cope..as a child. Trauma and neglect and no one to help or talk or validate my experiece. And not being able to sustain intimacy with adults. Mom dies at 34. My beautiful girl at 34. And more. Ive looked up..dissacoiaced. .looked deeper. .kind of scary.. split. I’ve told you some. And I keep trying. Gaps..in areas. I knew you would not get it. Still..if there was any hope..that you might..I might try..once more. I enjoy all you post..the words ..describing what I haven’t been able too.

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Christina Rasmussen

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