About 3 weeks ago I experienced an episode of vertigo.
And then another, and another.
In these episodes everything spins.
I have no control over my surroundings and nausea from the spinning overtakes me.
While I spin, I also panic.
Last week I was to speak at a big event in Seattle called Urban Campfire.
Hundreds of women would be there and I was scheduled to be their opening keynote speaker.
I had to decide to either get on that plane and on that stage or stay home and not risk it.
My ‘survivor’self kept saying what if you fall on stage?
What if you pass out on the plane.
Don’t be crazy, stay home.
Take care of yourself.
My ‘thriver’ self said with a faint voice, you can do this.
And not only do it, but make it be one of your best speeches.
Move on the stage like never before.
Run on stage.
Take it all in, and embrace the spinning.
Be all that you can be even in panic, fear and anxiety.
And I went for it. I did it.
I stepped on that stage and reclaimed my thriver.
The audience did not know that at any point if I moved my head in the wrong way, the ceiling would become the floor and I would collapse.
I didn’t fall.
I didn’t spin.
I am sharing this because we all have a vertigo feeling in our lives. We all feel like we could collapse and fall at any point in time.
And that fear very often keeps us inside closed doors, away from people and from doing things that matter.
I am not going to lie to you, I was very afraid, I was actually in panic mode all the way from getting on the plane to the stage.
Panic for at least 24 hours.
And then I took the panic and broke it in half.
Shattering it to pieces.
The moment I put on the dress, stepped on that stage, closed my eyes for a few seconds, took a deep breath and started speaking, the outcome became mine.
I was in control of my destiny, of my future.
Against the physical limitations of my body.
Against the constant panic talk in my head.
Against many things.
A place where the fear transforms into a butterfly.
I do this work not because I am good at being afraid or good at being courageous.
I do this work because I am so bad at it.
I am going to ask you today to put it all on the line.
All of it.
All your fears, big or small, heavy or light, need to be talked about.
They need to be smashed into many pieces so you can find yourself on the other side.
What is your fear and what do you need to do to go through it and on the other side?
Share with me in the comments below.
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