I didn’t know I could fall in love again.
After all, my heart was frozen.
My body was alive but my brain kept telling my body to shut down.
My mind declared a real war with my body and my heart.
“Shut down body. Shut down… you in mourning.”
My body was so confused.
It knew my heart was broken.
The body knew that it was experiencing immense pain after the loss of him.
You see the body kept pumping blood, kept staying alive.
And asking for more life, more love and more physical contact.
But how could I love again?
Feel alive again with someone else?
But the body does not think.
The body does not feel the guilt and shame of getting naked again. Yes I said it. Being naked with someone new, is not easy.
The body does not know you are afraid to turn on the lights when you are being intimate again.
The body does not know that you are lying to yourself when you say “You want to know how to do this on your own first before you find someone new.”
The body is impulsive.
The body knows what it wants.
The only think that can stop it from going after it, is the heart.
The heart cries and prevents the body to experience love again.
So I need to ask you this question and you need to answer with as much honesty as possible.
Does your body want to love again?
Does your body want to be held again?
If the answer is no. You are lying to yourself. 🙂
If the answer is yes. Thank you for taking the first step towards living again.
Now that you know the truth, are you allowing yourself physical contact by stepping out into the world?
Or are you at home watching TV, waiting for time to pass until one day you are magically going to feel ready?
To be honest if you wait too long your body will slowly stop asking.
It will slowly deactivate its natural needs and wants.
If that is what you want then go ahead.
But if you are like me who dreamed of a life full of companionship, laughter, and love once again then you will risk it all once again.
Your heart will be at war with your body at first.
But then it will slowly remember the beauty of love, intimacy and the physical experience we are here to have.
And it will surrender to it.
But the surrendering will take place after you allow your body to experience life.
I know what you are thinking…how can I even get out there.
I am older.
My body does not look good. Nobody will want me. I am ashamed to even admit this to my family, to my kids. What will people think of me.
What’s the point?
The point is that you are on this earth to have a physical heart centered experience and if your heart is still beating and you can stand on two feet, eat, drink and talk… you should also be able to have sex. Get intimate.
Fall in love like a teenager and laugh out loud while in bed with a new partner after sharing something that is meant to be shared amongst human beings.
And as for me…2 years after my loss I fell in love with someone new.
At first I was at war with my body.
I would go on a date and I would sit as far away from him as possible.
It would take me at least an hour to interrupt the war down within and ask for peace for
just a little while at first.
Once peace was within for a few moments my frozen heart will melt and if you could see me from afar you would see that sparkle back in my eyes for a few moments.
My body moving forward instead of leaning back and away.
Still timid but alive.
Still afraid but living.
Still frozen but melting BACK TO LIFE slowly…
I know this is hard but I opened up my heart even more for you today so you could start the melting process.
End the war with yourself. And stay as human as possible.
What do you need to do today so your body can continue to stay alive?
I want your truth.