Homework-Week Three Homework-Week Three Your Name (required) Your Email (required) ACTION ONE THE IMPOSSIBILITY METER 1. How scared are you to make a much wanted change in your life, from 1 being the least scared and 10 to most scared? 2. What do you think is the most scary step you are afraid to take? 3. Can you find three simple steps that will start you moving in the direction of that change in an easy and feasible manner? REPLACEMENT EMOTIONS This exercise needs to take place with a lot of clarity and understanding of your self. Words create beliefs; beliefs create a pattern within our brain that we go over again and again every single day of our life. So, let’s get clear on the beliefs and emotions that are keeping the door of change shut. 1. How often do you use the words “angry, overwhelmed, that stinks, I hate, I failed,” in your daily communication? Rarly/Often/Very Often/All the Time 2. Describe your life in one paragraph. Please do this in a manner that accurately reflects your mental environment. Use words you would use to describe your life to someone you have just met. 3. Which words do you use most often in conversations with your children and your friends. Make a list of at least five. 4. How do friends and family members choose to communicate with you? Would you say that their words are uplifting and positive or are they angry, overwhelmed, and otherwise disheartening? Please share some of the words you are being communicated with every day. These are as important as the words you use yourself. 5. Would you describe your family as positive or negative? 6. If you could tell us the number one topic that your brain thinks about every day, what would it be? ACTION THREE CREATING VOCABULARY AND THINKING THAT BRING FORTH AN ABUNDANT LIFE AFTER LOSS Every day I will choose to say the following words three times a day with passion and happiness so that my brain can start to re-wire itself: a. My grief has made me unstoppable, and I am now able to take more risks to create the life that I want. b. During my failed marriage or my post-loss life, I learned some valuable lessons that I now use every day to rebuild a phenomenal life for myself. c. I am incredibly focused on finding peace, love, and comfort in my life again. d. I am unbelievable blessed to have another shot at life. e. I am smart and happy; I am someone who can be incredibly focused on her goal. f. I feel good when I am with my family. g. I am determined to create the life of my dreams. Do you agree to repeat these mantras to yourself? ACTION FOUR REBUILDING A HAPPIER BRAIN AFTER LOSS Do this exercise before you answer the following questions: Close your eyes and center yourself. Just for a few seconds. Breathe in... And out Listen to the space that surrounds you. It’s your life, waiting to be LIVED BY YOU! Open your arms wide and embrace it. It belongs to you. Especially when you are sad. That is when it is calling you the most. Hear it. And start living it. 1. Now open your eyes and write down the life that you see waiting for you. 2. Ask your brain to bring forth the life that you have yet to access. And ask for that life to reveal itself by saying out loud: “I am ready, life! I want to meet my next chapter!” 3. What emotion comes forward when you see your dreams come true? 4. What smell is in the air? 5. Observe your body; do you feel lighter? How are you sitting? 6. Is this new life familiar or completely unfamiliar? 7. What is one great thing that is different about this new life? 8. Can you start creating that life within the one you have? 9. What is that first step you know you can take today? 10. You must take this step as part of your homework. ACTION FIVE WHERE IS YOUR BODY EVERY DAY? SLEEP 1. How many hours do you sleep a night? 2. How long does it take you to fall asleep? 3. How do you fall asleep? 4. Is the bed you are sleeping in the same one you slept in before your loss? FOOD 1. How often do you walk, run, or do some kind of exercise? 2. Does your fridge look full or empty? 3. Do you sit down at the dinner table to eat? 4. Do you eat food that does not nourish you? 5. Do you forget to eat? 6. How often are you hungry? EXERCISE 1. How often do you walk, run, or do some kind of exercise? 2. How fit do you feel? 3. Do you love exercise or do you work out because you have to? 4. Would you like your body to be a part of your life? ACTION SIX FINDING WHERE OUR EXPERIENCE OF LOSS IS WITHIN OUR BODIES In this exercise, let’s find out where our loss has physically manifested in the body. It is important that we use our gut and intuition to find the pain in our body that originated from our grief. 1. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. In and out. Get comfortable in your chair and switch off from the environment around you. 2. Now go back in time and find yourself in the center of your loss-in the center of the day that you learned of your impending divorce, or loss of a job, or loss of a relationship, or loss of a spouse. What do you see around you? 3. How is your body reacting to the news? 4. Are you experiencing a specific pain within your body while the loss is happening? 5. Where is the pain located and how big is the area of the pain? 6. Now bring yourself back to the present moment and visit the physical area of your loss, what has happened to it since then? Is it less painful? Is it different? Is it still there? Or has it moved somewhere else? The physical source of your loss is going to start getting smaller and smaller. You are now feeling it less and less. It has actually become as small as a dot on the inside your body. You can still sense the dot and the loss is still physically there, but the more you grow in strength, the less active the dot becomes. You have a superior power that lives within your physical self that can shrink the presence of your loss inside your body. What is the physical activity that will allow this physical manifestation of your grief to deactivate and allow your body to start breathing again? ACTION SEVEN PLUG INTO THE OUTSIDE WORLD I have a homework assignment for you. It is simple-but it is not so simple if you have not allowed yourself to be part of the outside world. What I want you to do every day, starting today, is to bring your body back to life, one step at a time. This is an easy request for some but the elements of consistency and repetition might make it a little harder. Make sure you receive approval from your primary physician before you do this. 1. I would like you to log in, at least a ten-minute walk if you have not exercised for a while. If you are at all fit, put twenty minutes of exercise every day. One thing we need to make sure of is that this will happen every day. Put it in your calendar or on a sticky note on your fridge or on your front door. This daily exercise has to become a part of who you are. It has to become your way of communicating with nature. What days will you be doing your physical activity? 2. Your body is part of the world. Your body is here because it needs to take you places and help you have an amazing life. We will not focus on weight loss, on calorie counting, or on our size. What we are doing is creating movement and alignment between your body and your life. We want your loss to let go of your body. Your homework for this segment will be to do ONE of the following: a. Join a gym b. Go for a daily walk. c. Get a workout DVD to do at home. d. Sweat. e. Put your feet in water. f. Expose your body to natural light. g. Get outside of your house even for five minutes every day. h. After you do this even just once, go on the board and post how it felt to have walked, to have exercised, and above all, to have gotten in touch with nature and life. i. What insights did you receive about your life while you were active? j. What happened to the physical manifestation of grief inside your body? Were you aware of it? k. Name your daily physical connection to your body and post it on the board. It could simply be called “journey back to physical life,” or “my physical connection to life.” Which activity do you commit to doing? 3. This will have to take place every day, unless your doctor orders you otherwise. You can even walk barefoot, take a yoga class, or join a local exercise group in your church. Investigate and seek out those places today! Your body is as capable as you believe it to be. Do you commit to doing the activity you chose everyday? ACTION EIGHT PHYSICAL GRIEF According to Ellen Karpay, author of The Everything Total Fitness Book, you will not only improve your appearance through regular exercise. She points out that you’ll also improve your body’s ability to do more with less effort, and that feels great! “All emotional conditions are deeply connected to the nervous system. Whatever difficulty you might be facing-a bad relationship, dead-end job, or even if you are just ‘stuck’ inside your own head, chances are that the difficulty resides in a lack of movement. Without movement, loss can result in a ‘split’ between mind and body that come out in the form of headaches, insomnia, anxiety, or depression.” I would like to ask you to put together an exercise schedule unlike any other schedule you have put together before. This exercise schedule does not have words like “aerobics,” or “cycling,” or “walking” on it, but instead, specific physical exercises that have to do with addressing the physical aspect of your loss. Here is how we will do this: 1. Choose three days in your schedule and block out fifteen minutes for each day. 2. What time during your day can you do this? Make sure you feel at your best during that part of your day as this will set the tone for your whole day in a way that will shift your mindset. 3. What are the four top things that your loss took away from you? Write them down. 4. What are the three things you want your body to do so you can bring these things you lost back? Put them on the three days you have chosen. 5. For each of the three things, choose a form of exercise you enjoy. It could be yoga, dance, or anything you like doing. The emphasis should be on enjoyment. 6. These fifteen minutes, three times a week, will reconnect your body with a form of movement that will bring what you want back to YOU! 7. When you do this exercise, you must visualize what you want it to bring you. Please post the exercise and the thing you desire on the FaceBook page. ACTION 9 CHECK YOUR PULSE There are three questions that I have decided should be asked by all grievers or divorcees when they are trying their life on again soon after the loss. 1. What is the purpose of this date? Is it: a. Because I am afraid to be alone? b. To numb the pain? c. To truly find someone to love again? 2. What will I get out of going out on a date? Will it be: a. a new friend? b. A new experience? c. To truly find someone to love again? 3. What would I like dating to be about after my loss? a. Rediscovering myself? b. Getting my feet wet? c. Loving again? d. Having fun? THE CHALLENGE If there was one challenge you could give yourself in the dating arena what would it be? What is the step you need to take, to bring your closer to a first date?