No More Pot Luck Dinners and High School Reunions

I don’t remember when it started to happen exactly. But it was around the second year of my loss. I started to get out of social gatherings, events, coffee dates, playdates, picking up the phone. I did that for a while. Then I tried my hardest to become socially normal again. The attempt brought in Read More

Romance May Not Be the Answer after Loss

Maybe I should talk about him more. The man who is now my husband. Maybe I should tell you about how I fell in love. Maybe I should talk about romance, dating and all the things that people confuse with true life reentry after loss. Maybe it is a disservice to you that I never Read More

Room Number 23

The curtain was left open, across from me was the scan machine room. A bed with wheels was pushed right in front of it, carrying a woman in her early nineties. She looked at me, I looked at her. Her stare stayed a little longer, kind of frozen on me. The door opened and she Read More

Don’t Ever Let F****** Grief Get in the Way of Your Life

I normally write inside a coffee shop, or in my office as I am able to shut everything down and go inside this world so I can talk to you. But today I am writing out on my deck where the sun is so bright I can barely see the screen. I thought it was Read More

The three dinner tables are no longer here.

When every part of you is being stripped away because you are grieving it takes a long time to see what part of you is coming back and what part of you is new. Sometimes no parts come back. You get completely stripped away. And for a while you have nothing. You are empty. Confused Read More

She walked inside my closet and my face turned red

She walked inside my closet and my face turned red. “Oh no. It is so messy in there.” I said running behind her. “Oh it’s fine. Don’t worry about that.” she said and stayed in there. My closet was the messiest place inside my house. The place I wanted to hide from everyone. Words cannot Read More

Breaking and Mending 11 Years Later…

I get mad at myself when I am afraid. How dare I feel fear? How do I even have the right to complain? I get to live. He didn’t. He was the one who climbed the mountains for fun. He was the one who jumped in the cold water of the ocean. But I was Read More

I Used to Compare My Old Life with My New One

I used to compare every moment of my life to the moments of my life before the loss. I used to understand and experience my life based on how my life used to be. The ‘glasses’ I wore belonged to a life that was no longer here. Now imagine the images that I got through Read More

When Sugar Calls You, Don’t Answer the Phone.

This Message in a bottle is for you if over the last few years you have gained weight and no matter what you do you can’t release it. It has surrounded you like a protective layer that keeps you inside the waiting room. If this speaks to you keep reading but forgive me for this Read More

The Lady of Darkness

Darkness is not a word I used in my vocabulary very often. I didn’t think I ever had to talk about darkness. I know loneliness very well, and I know sadness and happiness but never really knew the lady of darkness. Why? Not because it hasn’t been dark but because when it’s really dark you Read More

Christina Rasmussen

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