Your Small Bathroom Window

I grew these last few weeks. And it hurt. It felt as if my skin stretched beyond what it could. Growth is like another person is trying to come through you and it is not as natural as birth. It feels wrong. It feels as if you are sick. My hair’s falling out. My tooth Read More

I Still Dream about Being Rescued

I’ve always dreamed about someone coming to rescue me. Last night in my dream, I saw myself on the ground trying to stand up and a stranger came over to help me. It felt so good to have this stranger grab my hand and guide me to another path one that I could not find Read More

With or Without You

Today I just want to have a chat. As if we were sitting across from each other at a cafe watching the waves. I would just listen at first. You would tell me how hard life has been since the loss. I would listen some more. Until the tears came, until you sobbed. Until you Read More

Call Your Realtor

It is hard. Very hard. So deeply hard that it’s as if the furniture in your house can hurt your body. As if the rug under your feet scratches you as you walk on it. The TV playing in the background sounds like a long commercial. Your clothes feel not yours. You bump into everything. Read More

No More Pot Luck Dinners and High School Reunions

I don’t remember when it started to happen exactly. But it was around the second year of my loss. I started to get out of social gatherings, events, coffee dates, playdates, picking up the phone. I did that for a while. Then I tried my hardest to become socially normal again. The attempt brought in Read More

Romance May Not Be the Answer after Loss

Maybe I should talk about him more. The man who is now my husband. Maybe I should tell you about how I fell in love. Maybe I should talk about romance, dating and all the things that people confuse with true life reentry after loss. Maybe it is a disservice to you that I never Read More

Room Number 23

The curtain was left open, across from me was the scan machine room. A bed with wheels was pushed right in front of it, carrying a woman in her early nineties. She looked at me, I looked at her. Her stare stayed a little longer, kind of frozen on me. The door opened and she Read More

Don’t Ever Let F****** Grief Get in the Way of Your Life

I normally write inside a coffee shop, or in my office as I am able to shut everything down and go inside this world so I can talk to you. But today I am writing out on my deck where the sun is so bright I can barely see the screen. I thought it was Read More

The three dinner tables are no longer here.

When every part of you is being stripped away because you are grieving it takes a long time to see what part of you is coming back and what part of you is new. Sometimes no parts come back. You get completely stripped away. And for a while you have nothing. You are empty. Confused Read More

She walked inside my closet and my face turned red

She walked inside my closet and my face turned red. “Oh no. It is so messy in there.” I said running behind her. “Oh it’s fine. Don’t worry about that.” she said and stayed in there. My closet was the messiest place inside my house. The place I wanted to hide from everyone. Words cannot Read More

Christina Rasmussen

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