The Stagers

I didn’t know what to expect when two big SUVs pulled in my driveway and 4 women jumped out with bedding, towels and pillows, flowers and pictures. They all smiled at me and said we are here to get your house ready to sell. This was part of our realtor Dana's complimentary services for her home listings. They were the stagers. Universe's angel stagers They started bringing in…

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0 Comments5 Minutes

I Am Starting To Like Myself…

Sometimes I feel like I don’t have it in me. To move fast. To say much. To speak in front of others. To provide. To create. To become every day someone new. We are being asked to do so much. It feels very machinery. Robotic with an AI brain. Almost like a factory of the future. It’s tiring to be human this way. Unless of course you escape in the middle of…

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0 Comments3 Minutes

Never Move On From Love

Someone said to me the other day. Christina, you must have not moved on. You are still writing about your loss. I have to tell you my first response was to shake my head and dismiss it. As it is such an untruth. But soon after, I realized how unfair it is to dismiss it, especially since some people only see the blogs. They have not read Second Firsts and Where Did You Go? And…

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0 Comments6 Minutes

It Took Me 3,652 Days to Find My Own Happiness

I don’t know exactly when it started to happen. But there was a moment in time when things shifted towards more happiness than hopelessness. More joy than resistance. More cheer than angst. More present than past. But It took me a decade to get there. Yes ten whole years. That’s 3,652  days. That’s 87,658 hours. For every one of those days and hours I became my own best friend. I talked…

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Read This, Especially If You Are At The Hospital

It was late summer, early fall in 2011. It was about 6:00 am in the morning and there was a really big storm passing the Boston area. Thunder and lighting could be heard throughout the night. I was drifting in and out of sleep when all of a sudden, the room started to spin. I tried to get up and I fell on the floor, feeling very nauseous. The spinning was speeding up. I started to crawl…

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1 Comment4 Minutes

Live. Life. Here. Now. Repeat.

I have spent so many years thinking about loss and trying to get back to life that I never really thought about my own mortality. I know it’s strange. Almost comical. One would think that I would be thinking about it all the time. After all, I write about life and death. Of course my thoughts should go towards mortality and my very own passing. But did you notice something? I write about…

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0 Comments4 Minutes

An Old Bag That Was Left In The Attic

Lately I have been loving life more. I am putting my arms around her, every second of the day. I tell her about my feelings. And never let go. I haven’t felt like this since 2003. Oh I know. I know, it’s been a while. It’s been since the week he was diagnosed. I stopped loving life then. The air was taken from my lungs. The water out of my body. And even though I thought I had found a…

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0 Comments3 Minutes

You Will Always Be Alive

You may ask What does grief have to do with physics? What does it have to do with science? I mean, come on Christina. My heart is broken. Shattered. And you are talking about particles and atoms. Other dimensions. The Universe.   Have you lost your mind? What about the real things? What about the Bible? My lonely nights, sleeping in an empty bed. Did you know I wake up and I don’t want to…

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3 Comments3 Minutes

Is Your Sadness Called Eiffel or Ocean?

I realized lately that we have two different types of sadness. Both are hard. But one of them is deeply hidden. Even for the smartest, most aware and strong people. I guess, especially for them. And because of that, it is the most dangerous one. Finding the source of this kind of sadness can be a very complex endeavor. Most people can’t figure out what makes them deeply sad, for so long.…

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0 Comments4 Minutes

Change Does Not Feel Like Breaking Bread

Change does not feel like breaking bread. Nope. It does not feel like chopping wood either. It is not like swimming. Or running. Or even climbing. Nope none of these. However hard some of them are. Change is so much harder. It feels like learning to walk on water. Learning to fly without wings. It feels like being scared to go out in the dark and having to go out regardless. It’s like…

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0 Comments4 Minutes