The Outside Heart


If someone painted me, they would have to paint my heart outside of my chest.

It is hanging there, feeling, experiencing.

My heart processes everything first.

Then it gives it to my head.

Most of the time my heart takes things very personally.

It goes into a heartbreaking position.

I have been trying to get my heart further inside, behind the chest but no luck.

It gets hurt by misunderstandings.

It hears everything first.

And tells me all about it when it can’t take the pain anymore.

By the time my head receives the experience, it is almost too late.

Tears have taken place.

Sighs.

The end of the world feelings. Giving up moments.

I have been trying to get my heart to go further in but every time I push it in, it bursts out. Sometimes I hold it pushed in for a long period of time.

Maybe five minutes.

My head walks around thinking I have everything under control.

I can take the people, their words, their opinions and be ok with it.

I won’t let my heart outside again.

But I can’t even finish my thought before the heart sneaks back out.

Grabbing all of the people’s thoughts.

And all of the people’s words.

And the breaking begins again.

As the years go by I realize that the kind of heart I have is special.

Also strong. Also unbreakable. Because it knows when to give the hurt to my head.

It knows its breaking point.

It knows when it is time for my head to take charge.

Where we can make sense of it all. And speak to the heart.

Tell the heart it is ok when people don’t like us, or trust us.

Or even think of us as inadequate.

We know it hurts so much when we care about others and those others don’t care about us.

And this is why we tell you to hide a little, and stay inside so you can rest from all those heartbreaks of yours.

“But when I go further in, I can’t feel the air, or even feel the sunrises.” the heart responds.  

“I can’t feel things the way I do when I am out here.

I would miss living. I would miss the flowers too.

When I go inside, I feel nothing.

And that is no way to live.

I must continue being an outside heart.

Have you noticed, most people have inside hearts. Those are the only people who try to break me. I need to show the inside hearts how beautiful it is to have a heart like mine. An outside heart. (Click to Tweet!)

I might bring them flowers.

Maybe then, they will come out to smell them.

Show them the sun rising.

Maybe then they will forget all their unkind words.

And be taken by beauty of an outside life.”

With an outside heart,

Christina

P.S. I had my heart broken this week by something someone said to me. If I had an inside heart I would not have felt much, but I would also not be able to write either. Not this way anyways. Thank you to all of you, my readers with outside hearts. I know there are so many of you out there.

Comments

  1. Sorry Christina for the thing that someone said. You are a beautiful soul with the talent to express your feelings. Enjoy your heartfelt notes as always.

  2. Thank you for posting, Christina. I can relate. You are an inspiration, especially at this time of the Holiday Season. My grandson’s birthday was November 30th and my sister’s birthday is December 1st, and they are both gone.

  3. Thank you Christina so much for your words today. I too have an “outside heart” and your words resonate so very strongly with me. Many thanks for your outside heart and for this post, in particular today when my outside heart feels like retreating. 💛

  4. I think it is very difficult to heal from loss with an inside heart. You force yourself to become numb, and you need the love and life that comes with an outside heart to heal. I always had an inside heart that I would let out on rare occasions. After losing my mom, it broke my heart and made it come out. Putting it back in makes everything dark. It is hard though when others try to push it back in or don’t take care of it outside. It’s uncomfortable;).

  5. Don’t take it personally!Many people you meet,talk and consult,don’t uderstand what you are talking about!Rember this from our prifessional practice & general. So,keep on with the devine work you for all of us from the bottom of your besutiful heart!I’d hug you now but I’m over the ocean!Sendi g you all my love &support

Share your Thoughts

Time limit is exhausted. Please reload CAPTCHA.

Christina Rasmussen

Welcome to the Message in a Bottle page, here you will find wisdom, truth and tools for you to start over. Make sure you sign up at the top to be sure to receive it in your inbox every Friday.