I am afraid to leave.
How can I go?
I don’t even know that I want to go.
Things are not bad, just not ideal.
What about the kids?
I can’t do this to them.
I don’t want to be selfish.
Now put this on repeat.
Year after year.
Decade after decade.
Life is going by.
Without happiness.
Without love.
Without worthiness.
Blame.
Shame.
Loss.
Frozen inside.
Wearing a mask so nobody can see all of the above.
This is what happens when we don’t get divorced, we go through the motions.
We live but we are not alive.
Time goes by as if we are watching a movie.
We forget to feel anything else but pain.
We forget what love was like.
One day we look in the mirror and we don’t like the person who stayed.
And now of course “its too late to go, because we are too old to begin again.” The person in the mirror says.
We have nobody else.
Who would have us.
And the script changes.
Life is tough.
I had to do what I had to do for the sake of my kids.
I had no choice.
And we lie to ourselves.
We self-deceive. We protect ourselves from the truth.
Because we can’t undo time.
We can’t go back to that person 20 years ago and tell them to get out.
We can’t undo what we did to ourselves.
So we pretend we are not at fault.
We see ourselves as the victim.
Who had no choice.
The more pain you feel reading this letter the more truth you are letting in, and the more you can change your life going forward.
So if you think this is your truth my darling, please listen carefully.
Today is the most perfect day for you to start over. (Click to Tweet!)
Today is a timeless day.
If you decided to leave a relationship today, you are not only changing your future but your past as well.
You are healing your whole life. How?
By choosing that person you were all those years ago.
And in a way you travel back in time finding yourself and bringing you forward.
So go ahead today, start saying something you should have said a long time ago.
Feel good about your truth.
Feel good about choosing yourself, however late it is.
I know this is a hard letter to read.
But I wanted to talk with you today, with the person who is afraid to hear the truth.
This is for you.
Please go ahead, re-enter life.
Re-enter your life.
All my love,
Christina
It never works.Too many issues. I would be afraid. Then..money. struggling to just get thru all of it. Im sure money isn’t a problem for you.
Thank you Christina,
Your post couldn’t be more right on time for me.
I am beautiful,
I am worthy,
And, I am loved.
Today was the day I surrendered to the fact that nothing changes if nothing changes.
This is very thought provoking and so many bits of it are relevant to my life – I waited and wasted so many years of my life being unhappy but not doing anything about it. I would say to anyone out there who recognises the sentiment in this to DO something about it. There will be obstacles to get over, it is hard making the break and dealing with all the stress and heartbreak that you inevitably have to deal with but in the end, for your own life and happiness it is all worth it.
Thank you for writing something about divorce. My husband left me a year ago, and I am getting a divorce. A friend of mine whose husband died, gave me your link. My thought when I read your story (how your husband died) and a post or two of yours, was “But her grief is legitimate. Mine, is because I failed.”
I spent many years frozen inside, and the thawing is hurting like hell.
I do feel like someone died. My husband died. And yet, the man I once married is still alive. There is nothing to mourn, and everyone in the world expects me to just go on, be fine — I haven’t lost anyone after all. Except that I have somehow lost myself.