Good Grief!

My story starts a couple of months before my mum died. She was post chemotherapy and had enjoyed a summer of improving health and a real appreciation of all that life had to offer. Gaining the strength to walk outside unaided, visiting her granddaughter to see her in a school fair, these were things that we had talked about.

Everyday things were now priceless.

I had a strong desire to write a letter to her. I wanted to talk in a space that could be reflective and had time to be digested. I explained how I saw the world and our place in it. I had previously bought her the Louise Hay book ‘You Can Heal Your Life’ and in the letter – maybe for the first time ever – I laid myself bare and expressed myself truly as a spiritual being. The last paragraph read:

So this letter is important to me because I believe everything I have said. It may or may not resonate with you but I feel now is the time to share it. If not I guess it gives you a better understanding of me which is a good thing. Either way it is a conversation that is important for you to have with yourself even if you dismiss it. I have no power or ability to help but I can show you the direction I am going. That is all I have but if you wish, I am happy to have the company.

I had no idea that it was such an important decision. Just a few weeks later my mum’s health got a lot worse. She was admitted to hospital and for 2 weeks she was being treated for an infection.

Then I received THE call. Come now. 

I arrived at the hospital in the middle of the night. Mum was very sick but conscious. In her room with my sister, the doctor told the 3 of us that there was nothing further they could do. Mum’s organs were failing, they would stop all treatment and make her as comfortable as possible; she only had hours to live.

My mum asked the doctor “What do I do now?”

The answer that hung in the air but never came “Wait to die.”

As the doctors went about their business minutes turned to hours and hours into days. 12 days in fact. For 12 days my dad, 2 sisters and their husbands stayed in the hospital. My wife was at home 3 hours away looking after our children, despite the physical distance during this time, I have never been closer to her. During those 12 days I returned home twice. Once to celebrate my wedding anniversary and second to spend Christmas Day. Each time I knew it was what I must do.

I also knew that my mum was making a choice to stay here with us or go on. When it felt right I would sit with her and empty my mind.

Words not possible or needed, we journeyed for 12 days from pain, hurt, confusion and illness to bliss, acceptance, understanding and peace.

I may never fully know what this experience was but I do know it was just me answering her call “What do I do now?” As I had said in my letter I was happy to have the company.

I knew I would write and make the address at her funeral. That day after I sat down having spoken to a packed church of family and friends the sun blazed through the stained glass windows and 300 people literally lifted the roof in the final hymn.

This time in my life left me with absolute knowing that anything and everything is possible. But most important:

That it is now, this moment, this experience that is the only and most valuable of all. @taylormapps (Click to Tweet!)

I am grateful that I know my passion in life. I get to express my true nature through music as a professional Timpanist. But I have a desire now to share more than this.

I want everyone, especially children, to know just how wonderful life is and that they have complete control of their life.

So I have created an app ‘inspirationAL – wake up inspired’ to help spread the knowledge of those who have insightful gifts to share with those who want help or are looking for something that can remind them of the essence of who they are. How to get back to their source and live their own life fully whatever that may be.

It is only a start but it is what I know I can do.

My name is Mark Taylor, I live in the UK. I am a professional musician and app developer. You can find me on my personal blog or my website and follow me on Twitter here & here.

Image courtesy of Jonathan Reyes.