The most important emotion of the human species has been translated by our world as one single word.
Imagine if we put back the real word and call it:
And we go out to find someone to love.
Would that feel different?
Would that scare us less or more?
Imagine when someone asks you:
What are you doing this weekend?
And you say:
I have a love. Not a date. A love.
Then we may not be so reluctant to go out there to find our love.
Loving after a certain age according to millions of people is hard.
Is that true?
Or is it that using the word dating instead of loving degrades our real need of love into a physical temporary attraction?
So the question changes from will I find someone to love…to will anyone want me the way I look?
And it becomes torture, struggle, and so frightening.
By the time we leave our house to go on that date, we have said so many horrible things to ourselves. If that’s true, what are your chances of finding someone to love in this state?
Now let’s change this dating torture into an experience of love and life.
After all we are here to love more than once.
So here it goes.
I have met many many women and men who find love again.
MANY. Do you know what these folks had in common?
No…wasn’t their good looks, their money, or their education that attracted love the second time around.
It was their attitude.
The way they saw themselves.
They went out, looked for love and if they didn’t find it that night they went back home without bitterness, anger and rage. Without asking ‘WHY ME.’
Honestly, I was one of the people who was angry and bitter.
When I met my second husband I refused to even look at him.
I told myself myths about him in that moment. He of course was going to hurt me and leave me. Because he likes younger women.
Of course, why would he want to be with me, be with a single mom of two young daughters with baggage.
So when he went to sit next to me, I turned the other way. I didn’t even want to look at him. What would be the point I said to myself.
He is probably on his way to the next girl.
I mean talk about some bad self talk.
I had these horrible thoughts. And of course don’t get me started on the guilt and shame thoughts, it will take me three messages to be complete.
Bottom line. The three things you have to do before you go out on a date:
- Tell yourself nice things. Period. Look in the mirror and tell yourself how amazing you are.
- Go out LOVING. Not DATING. Go out there to find LOVE, not a date. This will shift everything around you.
- Don’t be bitter. Be Brave. Be brave to come home if it doesn’t work out and still love yourself.
And that’s it. The rest will come.