It took me a decade to discover a very simple truth that literally set me free.
Happiness is a choice not an ‘event based’ experience.
Happiness lives inside of us and it is not controlled by circumstances.
That loss is not responsible for all of our unhappiness.People misunderstand unhappiness with sadness.
It is not one and the same.
You can feel unhappy forever, but raw sadness does not have a long timeline. I am not talking about depression here.
True loss is paired up with healing.
There is a natural evolution that is part of A HEALING CYCLE.
Mourn. Heal. Rebuild. Re-Enter
Millions of people in this world get caught up in the automatic setting of loss, which is identifying themselves with the event of loss and with their self.
You see mourning takes place, healing begins but it never ends for the rebuilding and re-entering phase to start.
Sometimes, even10 years later after the broken heart, and the abandonment you will still hear folks mention it within 5 minutes of an introduction of themselves.
It is because their brain has learned to identify with the broken heart, with the divorce, with the job loss, with the abuse, etc. This identification will stop you from being happy, being able to make money, and to love again.
The reason why life has so much loss in it, it is not because life is not good, or because we deserve bad things but this is the natural cycle of evolution and growth.
We hold on to the loss so much because our ego needs the drama, and the attention it can get from all the drama.
I have been there.
I have seen others go there.
Grief is full of narcism.
When we lose something or someone our heart breaks because we have to detach from that person.
Detachment is tough.
Especially for the ego.
Freud had some things right when he said “when the work of mourning is completed the ego becomes free and uninhibited again, it becomes free to attach to something else.”
Attachment to something else is the key to rebuilding and re-entering and before this can be misunderstood, let me explain a little.
Attaching our ego on to a new project, or on to a new passion or hobby is a very healthy way to shift focus from mourning and on to living. My suggestion is to start this process in very small steps to begin with in order for the detachment and attachment to come naturally and more freely.
Of course nothing is as simple as it may sound. This is not about forgetting or letting go but about truly creating a healthy ego attachment to life and living instead of the loss we experienced.
This realization did not come to me overnight, it took years of learning and growing. My ego wanted to hold on to the drama, still does sometimes and now I am able to recognize it and tell myself politely to change the subject.
I understand loss, grief, broken hearts and a lot of hardship but I also understand life, adventure, laughing and the need to prosper my dear life starters.
I am here to help you prosper and be happy after a loss.