“Mommy, what’s wrong?”
“Did something happen today?”
My daughter Isabel said as she stepped into the car on our way home from her school.
“No honey, I just had a sad day today.” I responded.
“I have these days too Mommy. You know when nothing bad happens but you still feel bad.” she said.
“Sometimes our heart feels sadness for something that happened a long time ago, or even for no reason.” I said and then the conversation changed to how the school day was.
But the seed was planted in that moment in my little blue Beetle, on a regular school day.
So these kids grow up knowing that sadness may even be a daily experience.
It is nothing to be ashamed of.
We should never hide it.
Or feel that there is something wrong with us.
As a matter of fact sadness is a more frequent visitor than happiness is.
It often comes completely unannounced without even ringing the bell.
You wake up and sadness is right there by your bedside.
You have no choice but to be with it.
I have to tell you I often struggle with days that are not easy.
What’s really hard about these days is that I know my way out of them.
I know what needs to be done to feel better.
And to my surprise I choose to stay in the struggle for a day or two.
Then once I experienced it. Felt it. Cried it. I find my way back.
To find the words to express it.
Snuggle with it even.
Talk to the anxiety.
Be present with the agony of the day ahead.
Then find the way out.
Find your way to a better moment.
A better day.
Your better self.
“Mommy you seem better today.” my daughter Isabel said the next morning.
“Yes, I talked to myself for a bit last night and I think I am finding my way back.”
“That’s good Mommy, I do the same thing.” she said proudly with a big smile on her face.
As she grows older I will tell her about ‘The Reentry Work.’
But I have a feeling that kids may even know how to do the work that is required. I think we are born talking to ourselves, but we stop as we become adults.
P.S. The journey to remembering how to talk to ourselves and find our way to a better day begins this Tuesday. Close to 200 people have signed up for class and we start this Tuesday at 5:00pm PST/8PST. Doors close Monday night. All you will need is the internet, your computer and a heart that wants to feel better, loved and connected to other hearts after loss. Register here: http://www.secondfirsts.com/coffee-with-christina/