My God


People always ask me if I believe in God.

People have written to me and asked me why I didn’t include God in my book.

Why I don’t mention God in my writing, how could I leave God out.

I was raised as a Greek Orthodox and only knew about God through the Greek Church.

Prayers were automatic.

God was a part of my schooling, my neighborhood and part of the language.

As I grew up and moved to different parts of the world, sometimes I left God behind, other times I questioned everything I was taught.

And when my heart started to break and the early losses started to come into my life, I wondered what kind of God would do this to me.

When my first baby was born without the right amount of lungs to survive, I shook my head to God and said is this your doing?

When my husband died at 35 I didn’t even want to talk to God.

When I finally started to talk I was angry. I was bitter. I was lost.

My healing journey started 9 years ago, and it has prepared me to write this letter to you today. As I started to walk back to life I found out what God is, but not in the way I thought I would.

I found out that divinity is a part of the soul.

It is even a part of us before we are born and after we shed our physical bodies.

But divinity during our life is called a miracle.

The miracle like experiences that find their way into our life and cannot be explained through a physical reality. I call these miracles God.

The words I have been writing to you for the last 5 years come from a collective consciousness. I call these words God.

The resilience to wake up every morning regardless of your broken heart, I call that the human spirit. Your courage to get back to life, I call that knowing.

I also discovered that grief is God.

Grief was given to us when life started.

I discovered that without grief life is not life.

Without grief there would be no compassion.

Without grief there could be no love. (Click to Tweet!)

As the years went by ‘The Message in a Bottle became my prayer for you.

God for me lives inside of us when we feel joy for someone else’s good luck.

God comes to life when we feel sadness for someone else’s loss.

When we choose to live again regardless of the tragedies our hearts had to endure.

That is God.

My God does not have a religion.

My God is every breath I take, and every word I write.

My God is my wish for you.

Today I want to hear about your God.

Tell me what it means to you to be connected to a higher power.

How does that connection heal your soul?

With love,

Christina

Comments

  1. I am not strong enough for the suffering that i have been put upon to bear . i am trying , but i am losing . I do not want to go on . I know I am supposed to let go and let God but i am not receiving . i don’t know what else to say . i was married to a sociopath that wants to destroy me , i have worked hard , but my soul does not , can not comprehend this level of torture . And my death will be his win .

  2. My husband died 5 months ago this week.

    He had suffered a severe stroke 12 years before his death. He never fully recovered physically. At first after the stroke we went to church faithfully. He prayed for a miracle that he never received. After time he resented God and religion. Eventually I lost my faith in God as well.

    When he passed suddenly in November of last year I did not have a church service for him. He did not want that.

    I am now starting to go back to church. I am slowly starting to feel the love of what I believe is God.

    When I do believe in God and Heaven I can imagine my husband being whole and healthy again. And that is really all I have to hang on to.

  3. This post could not have come at a more profound time of my life when just today I asked myself “why me?”and “why is He testing me?”. After my mama tragically and unexpectedly dying in my arms I was living in hell. Growing up my parents never took us to church or spoke of religion but I also came from a broken home with an alcoholic and drug addict for parents. However, when I became a mother I found myself drawn to church and finding a faith like I had never experienced before. Until my mama (the drug addict) came to live with us for 4 months so I could care for her and then died in my arms and on MY watch — I hated God for everything He was putting me through and making her suffer. Then after her passing my dad (the alcoholic) removed all her belongs immediately and shacked up with a woman that he married a year after my mamas death. He disowned me and my brother. My whole life fell apart before my eyes in a split second. After her passing her father passed away and then it was a chain reaction of 5 deaths following. One was my mamas mother who I was a caregiver for while caring for my mama and after her death for 3 years and 10 months. She passed December 1, 2015. My life has been about sacrifice for my loved ones for over 4 years yet my health and sanity has taken a ton now that I’ve lost everyone I loved and cared for. It’s been an up hill battled every day to get out of bed, some days I don’t want to wake up but I do. I’ve lost my purpose and my faith and my family. Where does one find the will or strength to put one foot in front of the other and believe in divine purpose? My faith has been truly tested to the core. I found love and strength in Buddhisms enlightenment but when I watched my grandma suffer and die in my arms just as my mama did — it was all gone.

  4. I have gone through the anger at God , denial that he exists, back around to, I believe all
    Of my loved ones are patiently waiting my arrival in heaven….. giving them a life in a way, so In my heart, I can carry on.

  5. My faith has kept me going, I am a church going and just going each week somehow helps me stay strong, even thought I cried each time I went for at least 12 months after my husband of 38 years died of cancer. I went through the why him, why me, you have made me so sad and so lonely, my beautiful husband had so much to give and believed in God all his life and this is his repayment, not to enjoy growing old. But in time praying has kept me shane and here today. I think like Christina my God is the way I live my life each day finding something beautiful about life, even though I am so sad and so lonely. Jenny

  6. I believe that I encounter God frequently. Sometimes I encounter God all unaware as when I stumble upon folk on- line who help me recover my sanity when I am so deeply immeshed in grief that sanity seems unachievable. Even when we are lost to ourselves, God is with us and blessing us in ways that we don’t anticipate or even realize until later. I never feel so close to God as when I am in fellowship with loving friends o family.

  7. Thank you for sharing, Christina, it helped me with my reflections. I have spent much of my life as an agnostic. After losing a number of people in my late forties & sinking to an ever increasing depth of rock bottom, I became aware that our loved ones never leave us, that God and our loved ones speak to us through the magic of nature around us. These synchronicities are real and expansive. For me the awareness began with the arrival of one sweet coincidence and thinking my sister would have loved that, until my awareness grew & I knew she was speaking to me, that she was fiere with me. I have begun praying although it does not flow so naturally for me. My conversations with God are a walk along the beach, a butterfly dance, a cloud formation. For me, God is not a religion. God is everywhere.

  8. My God lets me know every day with the Universe and Angels and Fairies that I have a job to do. It’s to complete my novel, give a voice to those who have none. Grief runs throughout my life. I never believed in GOD. After reading what you wrote, I’ll only say..I’m so very tired at this time of night. I’ve tried to write this 4 times. So, I’ll leave it as that. Love and blessings sent. xx

    • I will add I was the strongest Stand Up NYC Broad at 22 years old..Angels visit me. My Husband Vincent, with him 22 years, with 2 daughters who he brought to ICU every day(.Jews don’t bring their kids to hospitals, yet ICU for almost 3 months)..deceased 9 years in Nov. sits on my shoulder & roots me on.He died in 8 weeks in our home, again in front of my kids and he is so very sorry he left me so deep in debt.. My Dad who died when I was so ill, on a ventilator just 7 months before Vin died, speaks to me as does my Mom, who died this October . I was bullied not to speak at my Mom’s funeral. I put a written letter in her casket before it was closed. I’ve been terrorized, relocated to mid America, like prison but a great place to write, all when I wasn’t in my right mind. I am a Miracle. Only 12 people like me in this country. I found out I had necrotizing pneumonia, I don’t heal, my short term memory is gone , no appetite & I called Burke Rehab as I see my disabilities & I spoke to the Director.He told me to eat like I did at Burke Rehab Hospital in NY, , get a baseline nuero psych test. He said I was prime for dementia, which I already have, early Alzheimer’s which I sadly saw my Mom suffer with for 9 years. Early death. But He spoke with the excitement only my agent talks to me with. Now I am getting the help I need.It was a tough month, changing health insurances. My Brother resumed his screaming, no..that tone of voice but the screaming stopped when my Mom died. now…. My G-D tells me in 3 1/2 years I can just walk away from that insanity of fear, He reminds me love doesn’t hurt.Power and money doesn’t make someone a good soul & I feel with my soul every emotion now..I never did..I was a tough woman so God wants me to complete this novel, I have my Dragon just have to uninstall my old one & I updated Word..I take care of me in every regard for there is no one for me but me My FB Persona is for my novel Everything is for these 2 books now & screenplay.. … ..and help so many people women & men both..in a slick, already sold book that isn’t even completed. God Loves Me. Thank you Christina..

  9. God? I closed myself to the idea of God as a being, after never feeling any connection despite a childhood in church.
    But I feel a powerful connection to Nature.
    I’m trying to find my connection with the Spirit Realm.
    I feel that there is a universal connection of some kind – between all beings, between every atom of the universe. And the only thing stopping us feeling it is being wrapped up in our own minds, our own lives and emotions.
    When I reach out, instead of sinking back in, that’s where I find the connection. That’s where the excitement and happiness and peace and growth is to be found.
    Is there a person who is God, sitting behind all this and watching over us? I really don’t know. I don’t want to believe, or not believe, because that is closing my mind to experiencing reality. I don’t want to have preconceived ideas of what truth is. I just want to reach out – with my body, mind and spirit calm and open, to see what I find.
    Finding that connection means that I am not alone any more, trapped suffering inside myself. And it heals my soul because we aren’t meant to be just within ourselves, or only within the family. That’s connecting only to the body, mind and emotions. The soul is free to swim in the universal healing love, like a fish in a river – but only if we reach out and let it connect.

  10. I am very familiar with pain. My journey with grief started when I was 2o when my father died and then my mother when I was 29 and pregnant with my first child. Next came the loss of my marriage and being thrown into the world of single motherhood with two little boys. I eventually met a wonderful man and married only to discover his abusive childhood still haunted his present. And now I find myself abandoned and in another pit of grief.

    I am a Christ follower and my faith has been my anchor. Without my heavenly Father grief would have been my weapon of destruction….my vice for despair. I was raised in the church but never understood His power until I was at my weakest. He has been my source of strength. Pain is a part of who I am but, my Heavenly Father is stronger. During the deepest pit of grief, I have found in Him an overflowing well of joy and peace. I am broken but I am brave because I am worthy and I am loved. I will forever be joyful because He is my reason for hope!

  11. Wow.. Love the way you explain your belief. I thought I was the only one that never thought of God as a religion but as acts of kindness and giving and receiving (without too much protest) I would prefer not to describe him as grief because I have had too much of that in my life and he would have been way too busy with me to be there for others. I went to almost every type of church but decided that my God is everywhere. There is no need to go to a building(which as beautiful as they are I never had enough money to put into a collection plate and got dirty looks and letters sent to my home for not giving more) My God was not about money but about how you treated others in your life and strangers who you did not know but bent down to give what you could to make their life somewhat different. Caring about people’s feelings and all of Gods creatures… Being an animal lover I took care of as many as possible and still do(even with my body’s limitations) I can pray to my God in my home, car, love to go to the beach and pray or wherever I happen to be at the time. Don’t need to confess my sins I tell him if and when I think what I am doing is not right and he can forgive me with any Hail Mary’s or behind a booth to a man who is just like any other man. I would not put down anybody for their beliefs unless they become fanatical.. Because that is not a belief that is a sickness to kill in the name of whom ever God you are going overboard for. That’s just not what is about.. At least not for me..

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Christina Rasmussen

Welcome to the Message in a Bottle page, here you will find wisdom, truth and tools for you to start over. Make sure you sign up at the top to be sure to receive it in your inbox every Friday.