It took a split moment of insanity to change my life in 2007 just a few days before Christmas.
For those of you who read my book and watched my interviews, you know that during the second Christmas after my loss, I chased down the mailman in snowy Lexington MA.
The chasing on that cold Saturday morning, changed my life in ways I never imagined.
The power of choosing life in such a small insignificant way allowed me to choose life again and again after that moment.
It stopped me from staying in the infinite loop of loss.
It allowed me to act on my insanity that derived from my grief.
We spend so much energy trying to keep the gates of grief closed that we hold all this power that can change our lives back.
I know you might question my letter today because my request is for you to express your insanity, but just listen for a minute.
I call the power of grief insanity because we have locked it in for so long that it feels like it’s crazy energy.
We hold it tight inside of us, as we are so afraid that if the people around us hear us scream, or laugh hysterically, or even kick the furniture they would pull back.
They would shake their heads.
They would wonder what happened to us.
If my friends saw me put on my boots to go after the mailman they would worry about me. They would have thought I lost it.
They would not be able to see the brilliance behind that moment of insanity.
They could not have predicted that my life would change so much after that crazy chase.
But how could they know.
Their lives were lived under very perfect and normal circumstances, I was the one living between two worlds.
I was the one questioning life.
I was the one dying with grief. Not them.
So today, on this Christmas morning I will ask something from you that nobody else is going to ask.
If I was in your living room sitting by your side, I would beg you to see yourself as the most unexpected, limitless and insane human being.
I would hold your hands and look you in the eyes and tell your soul to storm out the door, and go and feel alive, even for a few exhausting moments.
In a world of repeated christmas movies, traditions, made-up joy and extreme materialism, giving this letter is asking you to kick the gifts under the tree to say no to the repetition of life and find a moment of breaking through the fake way of celebrating the holidays.
You have been through too much to blend in with the Joneses.
-Dance naked in your kitchen.
-Kiss someone unexpectedly.
-Speak your mind.
-Eat dessert for breakfast.
-Grab paint from your garage and paint something crazy on your wall.
-Make a video on your phone telling yourself a truth you have denied for so long.
-Start writing a novel. Write the first paragraph. Why not.
Today remember the crazy unpredictable and fierce person that you are and go and do something that will surprise even you.
Happy Crazy Insane Holidays to you my darling.
PS. ABC News interviewed me for an article on how to handle grief during the holidays. I’m very excited to share this with you!
Image courtesy of elemenop.tumblr.com.