Happy Crazy Insane Holidays to You My Darling


It took a split moment of insanity to change my life in 2007 just a few days before Christmas.

For those of you who read my book and watched my interviews, you know that during the second Christmas after my loss, I chased down the mailman in snowy Lexington MA.

The chasing on that cold Saturday morning, changed my life in ways I never imagined.

The power of choosing life in such a small insignificant way allowed me to choose life again and again after that moment.

It stopped me from staying in the infinite loop of loss.

It allowed me to act on my insanity that derived from my grief.

We spend so much energy trying to keep the gates of grief closed that we hold all this power that can change our lives back.

I know you might question my letter today because my request is for you to express your insanity, but just listen for a minute.

I call the power of grief insanity because we have locked it in for so long that it feels like it’s crazy energy.

We hold it tight inside of us, as we are so afraid that if the people around us hear us scream, or laugh hysterically, or even kick the furniture they would pull back.

They would shake their heads.

They would wonder what happened to us.

If my friends saw me put on my boots to go after the mailman they would worry about me. They would have thought I lost it.

They would not be able to see the brilliance behind that moment of insanity.

They could not have predicted that my life would change so much after that crazy chase.

But how could they know.

Their lives were lived under very perfect and normal circumstances, I was the one living between two worlds.

I was the one questioning life.

I was the one dying with grief. Not them.

So today, on this Christmas morning I will ask something from you that nobody else is going to ask.

If I was in your living room sitting by your side, I would beg you to see yourself as the most unexpected, limitless and insane human being.

I would hold your hands and look you in the eyes and tell your soul to storm out the door, and go and feel alive, even for a few exhausting moments.

In a world of repeated christmas movies, traditions, made-up joy and extreme materialism, giving this letter is asking you to kick the gifts under the tree to say no to the repetition of life and find a moment of breaking through the fake way of celebrating the holidays.

You have been through too much to blend in with the Joneses.

-Dance naked in your kitchen.

-Scream.

-Kick.

-Kiss someone unexpectedly.

-Speak your mind. 

-Eat dessert for breakfast.

-Grab paint from your garage and paint something crazy on your wall.

-Make a video on your phone telling yourself a truth you have denied for so long.

-Start writing a novel. Write the first paragraph. Why not.

Honestly sometimes I feel like we have forgotten our most important trait. How to party with ourselves
(Click to Tweet!)

Today remember the crazy unpredictable and fierce person that you are and go and do something that will surprise even you.

Happy Crazy Insane Holidays to you my darling.

Christina

PS. ABC News interviewed me for an article on how to handle grief during the holidays. I’m very excited to share this with you!

Image courtesy of elemenop.tumblr.com.

Comments

  1. My parents both passed away 3 years ago. I have no children. I always spent Christmas with my elderly parents. Last year I was invited to relatives and had a nice time..even exchanged presents. This year I was confused and saddened. I bought presents..no invitation came. It was too late to make other plans. I’m embarrassed and lonely and angry. I know next year to make my own plans..but I miss my parents..they wouldn’t have believed this. I don’t think this was intentional…but I don’t understand. Want to go to the gravesite..should I ?

    • Ann, go visit the gravesite if it will satisfy you. Give the gifts to a homeless person. Volunteer at a shelter. Go to church or go for a walk. Stay home and watch TV. Start a project. Enjoy your own company. Light a candle or say a prayer for your parents- honor them and remember them. Just don’t make the whole day about their absence. They would want you to enjoy your life. If I were nearby I would visit you. Hugs and peace- today and always!

  2. Christina,
    I had to delay our family Christmas dinner due to my illness the last two days. I have learned to do what is right for me with no feeling of disappointing anyone else. Feeling better today but not up to fixing a big dinner, although I love to do that when I am well. So I chose to have a quiet day working on a Christmas quilt I cut out last year! My adult son also took me on a ride through the state park that is nearby. We saw many deer. I love nature. So soothing!
    So yes, I Kicked the family dinner a few days back. So what ! It is what I needed to do!
    I am looking forward to starting a new life in 2015! My slogan will be ” In 2015, I will be Seen” doing all the things to begin a new life.
    Christmas Blessings to you and your family,
    Sharon

    • Wasn’t sick but did much less cooking and decorating this year. Simple, easy meal instead of spending the day cooking. Hope you feel better soon!

  3. After speaking my mind…after having “had it” with so-called holiday tradition….I left today up to my higher power. I am getting tired of being angry. I will NOT answer invasive, nosy questions. I can say NO without permission. I am insanely trying to teach my beautiful daughter that expectations are what ruin our holidays. I allowed myself to turn my Chtistmas cards into “new years” cards. I have been working on forgiveness. I see my nieces & nephews with new eyes–admiration & not judgement. Things turned out pretty good. Perfect? No way!! I listen to my mom (in heaven) reminding me “leopards don’t change their spots”!! I will never like certain family; and that’s okay. I am enough!! I think I will search for life’s purpose in 2015 & help my struggling daughter with the same quest. I really wish God’s blessings on those suffering with loss. I know there are people praying for me, too. ♡♡

  4. I lost my husband in April of this year. I decided to sit and watch the tree all night instead of going to my grandkids. I cried, screamed, punched the couch, tried to sleep but it never came. In the morning I took my Christmas card from him from last year, put it in a zip bag and went to the cemetery. I told him I missed him and loved him and went home and cooked for my family. There was a certain peace that I felt the rest of the day. I’m glad I did everything I did because now I know it’s ok to be crazy and scared. Sometimes that’s the only way to get through our storms!

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Christina Rasmussen

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