Why Letting Go Is Hard To Do… (And What to do Instead…)


When you hear these words, “Just let go,” do you feel a tightness in your stomach? Does your body start to close down and hold on to whatever it is you want to let go of even more?

I can relate. For years, when I heard this, all I wanted to do was push back harder. It pushed a button and lit me up. It also led me to ask questions about letting go. What it really means to me, and why it seems so hard.

When I learned the art of letting go.

I was in my teens when my mother was diagnosed with cancer. She was diagnosed on Thanksgiving, and passed away right before Christmas. All my feelings were bundled up in knots, like a ball of string. I was angry at God, and myself – and her.

I held tight to my anger and when anyone said to me, “Just let go,” I just held on tighter. The night before she passed, I knew it was her last night on earth in her body.

She was not talking because she was dosed up on meds. But her eyes were screaming, her soul was more alive than ever, it was her time to let go of her body. I was face to face with my fear of letting go, and slowly began to realize it was a process – while I witnessed life having its last breaths in my mother’s body.

I began to see her slowly releasing each breath. She became calmer, more at peace, and I felt that way too. That night, we had the deepest conversation of our relationship, without any words. It was all heart, soul, and energy.

The next morning the phone rang – she was no longer in the body. She passed onto another place, and this was where my spirituality was born. I noticed there were steps that had to happen before letting go. This was life changing and allowed me to be able to work through letting go and loss, in a safer and sweeter way.

From the loss of my mother came a new world, and a new relationship to letting go that I’m sharing with you today.

Why letting go is hard to do…. it’s because it’s sudden.

It turns on our fight or flight response and we hold on tighter. Think about being on monkey bars in a playground and someone says, “Let go” – your grip gets tighter.

When you give yourself permission to release, soften the grip first (like my mother did with each of her last breaths), it’s easier to then let go. The part that most people are missing is the step before letting go. This is where we all can bring in more ease, peace, and release the fear of losing or getting hurt.

When we give ourselves permission, everything becomes easier. @hillaryrubin (Click to Tweet!)

Let’s do some housekeeping so you can clear up what it is you want to let go of, and what you want to create instead.

We are trained to ask permission. As children, this keeps us safe. As we grow into young adults, we rebel and feel some push back. Then we shut down and wait for the permission to come from outside ourselves.

Where are you holding on to tighter because of fear, or waiting for permission?

We talk ourselves into a corner, but we can use these same words and reframe them to become a permission statement.

It’s not our fault, it just is. We can release the need for outside permission and give it to ourselves. We can take the steps that feed our soul to create the the life we want in the face of whatever we meet in life.

Take whatever you are waiting to let go of and give yourself permission to release it so you can create what you want instead.

Now, let’s create Your Permission Statement.

Fill in the script below for what it is you want to let go of, release, and what you want to create instead.

I give myself permission to release (whatever you want to let go of) and take ownership of my (whatever you want ownership of). Every day it gets easier for me to take baby steps towards (whatever it is you want to create instead). I am enough and trust the Universe has my back. And so it is…

Now, step into the power of releasing and enjoy owning your blessed life.

Say your Permission Statement every day out loud with enthusiasm while looking in the mirror to get the best results. (Even if you feel awkward, it will work.)

Now it’s time to own this. Let’s do this together…

In the comments, share your permission statement and tell us how it feels to give yourself permission.


HR_HeadshotHillary Rubin, spiritual life and business coach and creator of The Art of Becoming a Coach training program, helps women around the world create lasting change to live a more soul-fulfilling life. She’s been featured in The Los Angeles Times, Yoga Journal and DailyWorth.com

I’m so excited to debut the Life Starter’s Blog Series. I have had the greatest honor and fortune of hearing your powerful stories of personal transformation and I wanted to share them all. Because I know that together we can help support, inspire and lift one another. Every Tuesday, we will proudly feature your stories. If you’d like to submit a post, please go here for guidelines and more info. Happy reading!

 

Comments

  1. Thank you for this, Hillary! I’m learning to let go of things that are out of my control.

    I give myself permission to release fear of the future and take ownership of my life. Every day it gets easier for me to take baby steps towards creating a life I love. I am enough and trust the Universe has my back. And so it is…

  2. Wow. What a powerful article – I was feeling that knot as I recalled things I want to let go, but also understand by doing the work of releasing, it will come. I’ve worked with Hillary’s permission statements before, and know they work – thank you so much for sharing this here.

    I give myself permission to release my fear of not being the financial provider I should by taking on a path with less certainty and take ownership of my ability to make it work using my strengths and passion. Every day it gets easier for me to take baby steps towards creating a lifestyle that supports me and my family physically and emotionally. I am enough and trust the Universe has my back. And so it is…

    Amazing. Thank you so much for sharing this.
    xo
    M

  3. Wow – what an eye-opener!

    Letting go sounds like the thing we should do… but really it’s a command that can make us want to resist. Just reading or saying the word “release” gives me a totally different body feeling. It feels OK, safe.

    Here’s a try: I give myself permission to release the need to polish my ideas ‘to death’, and take ownership of my imperfectly perfect ideas! Every day it gets easier for me to take baby steps towards allowing myself to surrender to organic creativity.

    (Yay!)

  4. “WE CAN RELEASE THE NEED FOR OUTSIDE PERMISSION AND GIVE IT TO OURSELVES.” Amen.

    After being held back by insecurity and fear for so long, I am choosing to let go of beliefs that do not serve me and to allow myself to shine. It feels liberating to know that I can create the life I love every moment and I don’t need anybody’s approval to do so.

    I so love the ending words of this permission statement because it feels good to know that the Universe supports me and blesses me as I go through this journey.

    Here goes…

    I give myself permission to release self-doubt and insecurity and take ownership of the talents the Universe has given me. Every day it gets easier for me to take baby steps towards creating a “work of heart” that supports me and my family and allows me to make a difference in other people’s lives. I am enough and trust the Universe has my back. And so it is…

  5. I LOVE the concept of softening your grip first. Can’t wait to experiment with that. In the meantime…

    I give myself permission to release overwhelm about my long list of possible projects and take ownership of my next great idea and run with it. Every day it gets easier for me to soften my grip and take baby steps towards building my authentic practice. I am enough and trust the Universe has my back. And so it is…

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Christina Rasmussen

Welcome to the Message in a Bottle page, here you will find wisdom, truth and tools for you to start over. Make sure you sign up at the top to be sure to receive it in your inbox every Friday.