Say NO at least 2 times a day!


Boundaries.

Boundaries.

Boundaries.

Why is it so hard to build them.

Birth them. Live by them. Tell people about them.

Respect them.

I am talking about our own boundaries.

Especially emotional ones.

Why is this so hard?

For so many of us.

I don’t know what has taken me so long but I have finally got it together. I built strong boundaries. I call them self love walls.

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I say NO.

A lot.

I used to be such a people pleaser.

I thought that made me a good person.

And I am ashamed to admit it that even after my losses and tragedies I was still too nice.

Well my dear friend, something shifted for me this year.

BOOM. Boundaries went up.

BOOM. No’s were told.

BOOM. Friendships were broken.

And I didn’t care if I was not liked anymore.

I think I finally knew who I was.

And I was certain about it.

I was no longer seeking other people’s confirmations.

I was no longer putting myself second.

If this sounds like you then I am going to ask you to start building your boundaries or your self love walls right about now.

Remember that pleasing other people when you don’t want to, is disrespectful towards your life.

 

I challenge you to say NO at least 2 times a day if not more.

If life is not lived through your DNA it is not your life. (Click to Tweet!)

Your life and your choices should not concern anyone else.

Now the boundaries that I have… do the job, but I have to be honest, it is not easy to respect those boundaries every day. I still wonder what would people think.

But the difference is, I go ahead and put them up and keep to my rules about a life lived by me and not by everyone else.

To get here, it took a lot of grief, a lot of pain and a lot of sorrow.

Oh and one more thing a lot of disappointment by the people I pleased.

Let’s just say I learned many lessons.

This Message in a Bottle is about the RIGHT walls you must build around you.

The walls that will keep you living for yourself and not for the people around you. And remember because of all the losses we have experienced we have a duty to ourselves to create the best life possible going forward.

With… oh so many boundaries,

Christina

PS. And if you don’t have the book yet please go get it…it will help with those boundaries too.

Image courtesy of Sippanont Samchai.

Comments

  1. I have been working on boundaries since reading your book. I must say it feels good to focus on what I want, not pleasing others, then being miserable for not saying NO. Your book has helped me immensely! I am starting to believe my best life is yet to be! Thanks!

  2. Thanks, Christina, for bringing awareness to important issues. My husband passed eleven years ago, and for most of those years, I’ve been trying to please everyone, even when it didn’t feel right or caused detriment to my own life. Your words have given me the courage to take bigger steps out of “the waiting room,” and to have zero tolerance for those whose intentions towards me are dishonorable. This includes people who thrived when they viewed me as “disabled,” but started turning on me when I began surviving and stepping into happiness. Thank you for bringing clarity to things that deserve to be clear. Anyone who has endured and suffered great loss should be surrounded with loving, supportive friends. We know what real love and support is, because we offer it to others on a regular basis. Letting go of those that don’t understand, and try to make us “small” so they can feel superior…is so important to our journey on a path that embraces pure love, a love that is filled with compassion. It’s okay to put space between ourselves and those that don’t understand. We can silently wish them well on their very different chosen path, as we move forward into ours. Best wishes to all of you in this special community.

  3. I did say no twice testrday and it was a very hard thing to do but I had no other choice. I had to tell my parents I couldn’t take them to Flagstaff Az to see my sister their oldest daughter. That was the hardest thing I have had to do to them. The second is I told my cousin he could not move in with me….

  4. I, like many others, have struggled with boundaries. However, I’m much better now and I will begin to be even stricter starting tomorrow. I was a people pleaser and now I’ve changed. I’ve also learned to make others respect my boundaries in a nice way. I feel as if many people knew that they were overstepping but I never said anything so they kept on and on. Thanks for this very powerful reminder.

  5. Grieving dropped my bullshit tolerance level to -1000 and it felt good to stand up to some people who I had been letting bother me for years. Then they really hurt me with their selfishness and now they are no longer in my life. It’s lonely but I am slowly finding other nicer people by doing things I like to do.

  6. Hi , I was literally panicking till yesterday because of the quarter life crisis as u say… Will tell u more on that but right now about the no… A friend told me once I should not say yes to everything and everyone and there was a time when I finally learnt how to say no, so when I actually started saying no I was probably disliked n mocked upon by names as spoiler, boring etc etc… Not only friends even family so I think to myself something must be wrong with me as everyone is saying the same thing.. I obviously love myself more as I learnt how much I enjoy my space but I am cut off from everyone else.. The same friend who advised me to say now says u r arrogant n selfish.. I’m stuck

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Christina Rasmussen

Welcome to the Message in a Bottle page, here you will find wisdom, truth and tools for you to start over. Make sure you sign up at the top to be sure to receive it in your inbox every Friday.