You are a PATH MAKER.


If only you knew that within yourself there lives an extraordinary power. 

A power so majestic and brilliant that if you unleashed it..

you would find yourself building castles, loving so passionately and living in the present moment so often that you get to expand time.

The superpower I speak of is grief. 

The one and only common experience we all get to have.

If we allowed ourselves to tell the truth we would see how loss is our evolutionary competitive advantage. 

It is because of our losses that we get to experience a more dimensional life.

However we were taught to see it as the experience that is used to destroy us instead of build us.

We have been asked to hide it,

bury it and not speak of it.

When grief is never unleashed and is never used to create passion and love….

…it becomes venom. 

Yes I am aware, that’s a strong word,

but its the very truth that we are not looking at.

The truth which is buried alongside our grief.

And we suffer quietly. 

Not just for losing loved ones but for all the losses we taste every day at work, at home and at play. 

If only we looked at our presidents, leaders and path makers.

We would see a common experience.

TRAGEDY. 

That has been their one common trait.

There is a leader in all of us. Just like there is grief in all of us.

Grief is a superpower and when not used… it destroys us. 

When used as fuel… it liberates us. 

When used as part of our DNA it is our competitive advantage.

Mid-life crisis does not take place because we are depressed but because we are grieving our unrealized dreams. 

Because we are hiding our grief even from ourselves.

But most of all because we don’t know who we were born to be.

Ashamed to grieve. 

Unable to lead our own life towards freedom and happiness.

The secret to happiness and true success is not the law of attraction but our ability to take our tragedies share them with our world and remove the duality of loss so we can build the life we are capable of building.

Good thoughts and good things will happen to us when we stop carrying the unnecessary weight.

There is so much passion inside a human who has grieved loves and experiences.

483250_10151602223478185_207266652_nSo much untapped divinity. 

So much unearthed humanity and compassion. 

We all become Life Starters every time we experience a life interruption.

However our society calls us different names:

Bereaved.

Widow.

Divorcee.

Abused.

Time to end the myth, the name calling and stereotypes of grief and use our most important life experience to build castles through our lives.

I will spend my life telling you that you are here to survive every tragedy, every loss and walk towards your divine self, the part of you that is holding on to that superpower.

Grief: The superpower of your soul. 

Unleash it.

With love,

Christina

If you haven’t unleashed your power yet here is the book that will help you do it. It is time.

If you want to read this message online and share your thoughts go here.

www.secondfirsts.com/book

Comments

  1. I am growing through your message in a bottle every Friday as well as reading and working through the exercises in your book. I am now going to reject the label of “widow” as I am much more than that! I have been in and out of the waiting room for six years now. It is high time I reenter life fully to be happy. I plan to keep doing the plug ins on a daily basis as I already can tell a difference in my thinking.
    So glad I found your website and book! Thanks Christina

  2. Hi Christina,
    I first heard of you when you did your ‘reboot your brain’ talk.
    You make me cry all the time – first with empathy hearing about your experiences in that talk. And often with your emails too. Sometimes with sadness, more often with an upwelling of joy and enthusiasm for the future.
    Just wanted to say that I think you’re wonderful.
    Love the words you choose.
    Your ability to connect with people, and the emotions they hold inside is remarkable.
    Please keep shining, because the world needs your light :o)

  3. I have been helping people dealing with grief for a long time through a unique form of poetry. I definitely agree with your statement “When grief is never unleashed and is never used to create passion and love….…it becomes venom. ” I see it most with parents who have lost a child to a disease vs those who lose a child to an accident. The first group easily makes the transition to treasuring the time they had, whereas those who were less prepared feel a constant feeling that they were robbed of that person in their life.

    One of the ideas I try to get people to accept is that people don’t leave us unless they know we are going to be ok. And when someone leaves us too soon, there’s probably something we are supposed to do to continue their work, or make sure the world knows they lived. If you can accept these two ideas as true, and act on it, you can start to move past the loss and start discovering joy again. Rob

  4. Yes, Yes, Yes. I love this post, thank you. I jump out of the waiting room at times, and then feel hurt and scared. So now I want to work on The SuperPower being able to act as my strength and protector. After all, we have been through the hardest loss there can be.

  5. Dear Christina, thank you for your messages in a bottle. I have worried my friends, so, much with my grief, they don’t feel well either. This is worse than a flue. I miss my husband so much. I have a friend who wants me to date again. I keep remembering what I had, that is gone. I miss my late husband very much. It will be 2 years in Nov. all times, of the year is hard on me. We did almost everything together. Thank you for your emails.

  6. The only people I can truly share my grief with are my bereaved friends. Others, even close friends and family, are hurt by my unhappiness and want to make it go away. I am 14 years on from my first widowing, and now 8 months on from my second. I know from experience that I have to live with pain and despair until it starts to fade. Yes I did build a full and rich life after my first bereavement; but now to have to do it all again… it seems too much. Thank you for your messages Christina; they mean a lot to me.

  7. Today is four months and 20 days. Some days, it’s like we were never really together, others it is so overwhelming…

    Terry and I were high school friends, dated right after high school. He enlisted in the Army and left for boot camp. We enjoyed spending his leaves together for about a year. Then, as things happen when you are 19, were grew apart with the passage of time and distance.

    We reconnected three and a half years ago after both having families and lives separate, but we always remained in love with one another. Our new first date was magical. It was like we had never been apart (except we were both a little older – and maybe wiser). I knew when we got together that he had been diagnosed with terminal liver cancer, but was in remission at the time.

    We were inseparable from that first new date. As time progressed, he got sicker. We went to doctor appointments, chemo and hospital stays together. Later it was iron infusions, blood transfusions and more doctor visits. You wouldn’t have known by looking at him or talking with him. He looked magnificent until the last few, short months.

    There is so much to tell about our love story that I don’t know where to start. We were so happy. Neither of us was (or is) perfect, but we were so very happy finally realizing a love that was always meant to be.

    Now I am lost, angry, sad, in abject pain. Not every day anymore. Partly with the passage of time, partly thanks to Christina. Some days I cry, some I scream, some I am just plain angry. Others, I can remember all the good times and goodness that Terry brought into my life.

    I know it is soon, but I have started to date tentatively. I find myself returning from a “coffee” date, being even angrier at Terry for leaving me to have to do this all over again! I worry that these men may be sick, too. Maybe not know it. I worry about how devastated I would be to have to go through this again.

    This year, this 2014, has been such an awful year. I lost my Aunt in early February, my mother in late February, my business temporarily in May, my love in July, my business permanently in October. I have had to start over with everything in my life. I am just barely making it emotionally and financially.

    I am looking forward to a stronger and wonderful 2015 with help for 30 Days of Firsts, my friends, family and the strength I know I have within myself.

    • Kim you sound just like I feel. For me it is just two months and two weeks since my soul mate Tony passed. We had been together fifteen years…and married for the last 7 weeks of Tony’s life…must be the shortest marriage ever 🙁
      He had chronic emphysema for the last six years of his life…as you say…endless doctor’s appointments, hospital visits, palliative care calls, lung specialists…it went on and on… with him becoming frailer every month…although most had no idea as Tony was always cheerful and bright, even though he struggled to breathe constantly.
      I thought I had already dealt with a lot of grief…so many losses for us both over the years. I was unprepared for what I experienced after he died. Like you – lost, sad, angry and in abject pain. The total aloneness and desolation that I feel at times just brings me to my knees. But, like you, I remember what Tony brought to my life, and how I am a better person for having known him.
      Yes 2014 is a year I never want to repeat. I knew at the beginning of it that it would be bad. I too am looking forward to a brighter year in 2015 and I wish the same for you
      I am so glad I found this website and have just began to read Christina’s book.

      • On August 5th 2014, the love of my life , Brian, comitted suicide. He layed his beautiful head in my lap, and told me loved me, that i was his “everything”, and that he was sorry. He just died, right in my arms. He used to say i was the strongest person he knew, but i wasn’t strong enough to save him, to ease his pain, or keep him here any longer…he was 46. We did everything together, worked out, camped, hiked the Appalachian trail, got married on the beach…we had dreams and plans…and my life died that day to, and im broken!! I couldn’t save him…i didn’t have any super powers

  8. I had to do my new Budget again.TODAY at 10:30. I have spent the last 6 weeks going to every DR., signing off on a Nuero Psych test that the Michigan Guys were so afraid of me I had to deal with the Owner , Revoke my Hippa Agreements, till he realized…He best work with me. The test is done by a young 25 year old & computer so that part is correct but one wouldn’t let me say anything or write anything down. Kids.. 40 year old kids here. He Held the Best Therapist in this Area Hostage till I signed it..I finally did. This is then end of the Craziness. I was swimming with the Big Shark who Controls my money. It’s ALWAYS been about Healthcare Costs. I should have kept my mouth shut, but when my Brother’s ass’t. started telling me I should “move on”. I just lost. She is He. I put my sister n law’s name in the email so he wouldn’t scream. I was afraid. He’s rewritten the last 8 years. I reminded him about the last 8 years without blame but I stated it. .(I couldn’t pull up the spread sheet .It was written so small.) My FB page is no longer mine since his wife views it & his 40 year old with 6 year old triplets. My Niece. He took away $100 a month & told me not to include his wife of 14 years in my rambling. All thru email. So..He has a 40 year old & 36 year old daughters from his first wife. Then this Jesus Pushing very kind woman who My Parents were her only Parents. She worships him & who knows what he has said about me. But I said I would never forget or move on from my life with my deceased husband Vincent. My daughters Father.Watching them suffer is painful but we have wonderful loving , Laughing, Joyful Fabulous memories. We had Traditions.I Loved Him From My Core. He Taught me so Much. I have looked forward as it’s all falling into place, It was like asking him to forget Mom & Dad. I told his assistant & him that I clawed my way out of the storage room that this man who brought me here when I was NOT in my right mind..& Got my Own Place & Got this new Insurance.. I have been looking forward since I got to mid america and when I arrived back from my Mom’s Funeral. I called Burke Rehab & it is Now I have lined up the help I need. 8 years. 8 years of fighting & realizing I am Alone. My sister did bully me not to speak at my Mom’s Funeral. And this elegant, glamorous woman who with my Dad were my kids only Grandparents with some rules. I’ve recieved a warm coat for the Michigan Winters. I’m a NYC Woman. Losing my health when I finally found out I had Necrotizing Pneumonia. There are only a dozen people like me on a ventilator where my Brain & Body was deprived of Oxygen Only 7 months later after many antibiotics, at least 6 chest exams my Husband off 18 years died in 8 weeks undergoing chemo & radiation in my home in front of his girls. . My Brother hovered over him & told him to sign this form & he’d take care of me & the girls & not to worry. That Trust has been dangled in front of my Face ..Filled with rules & crap as he screamed at my oldest who is broken is back East. He Has Screamed at Me till Oct. He will Never Be OK with Me. His Cruelty is disgusting & he enjoys making me feel small. My Youngest is here, she wants to be baptized but she is also broken, she has lashed out at me since she was 13 years old.Well her Aunt will be here at her Baptism..in three weeks. I hope she hasn’t come from a blackout. I am committed to telling my kids to get off their asses & TRY..But I need to put my Energy into Me. I’m in Constant Pain. I Don’t Heal . All I was asking for was a bit of kindness. So I talked today when I should have kept my mouth shut & swim with the Dolphins. Just too many nights without enough sleep & Him Knowing..I Am NOT afraid..& To watch him so connected to me. His Rage Ties Him To Me. But I’ve watched him go after his kids in anger. And I find that repulsive. Yet it Hurts Me So Much..That never have I heard..”good Job”. I hear how I am living large. So I apologized at about 7:30PM tonight since 12-2 today. Because they ASSUMED I could open a Spreadsheet.& didn’t want me worrying about my youngest daughter..I’m Her MOM. that my siblings would rather see me Die than deal with their grief. . .The Dr’s here are protective & a bit scared. I have a .law suit. I’ve line up the OT person to help me with Organizational skills & Prioritizing skills that I have none.. He starts May 5th at 1:00PM .I’ve been working with the Speech therapist who deals with memory & has woked on a vent ICU Unit, & I like her. She’s come 4 times & I like her. It’s vry intimate. I believe I walk in G-D’s Graves & The Universe & Every GOD want’s me to complete my now 2 books. There is a demographic of women…& men..that will get the theme ..that they did nothing wrong as this slick sexy book ..a love story..But Oh What a Story But Oh What a Life. Remarkable. My Brother just emailed me, he accepts my apology. That’s good. It’s felt anyway. The Truth. My Losses. MINE. & that no one left my home unscathed & paying $16,000 a month for 8 years as my Mom lost herself..Scares me. Yes I was happy she finally died. But No one disagrees with him. His Money makes People Kiss his Ass. Nope. I will NEVER do that. I’ll walk away in 3 years. I pray nothing else physically happens as my VJay Pain & Foot Burn Screaming I can’t take a 3rd Pain. I already have dementia, prime for Early Alzheimers & Early Death. So I will uninstall my old Dragon, Install my New One & start reading my filled long hand written books into my Word. That is My Soul Purpose.To Give A Demographic of Women & men a voice..as they have none. I have a Manager, Publisher & Screenwriters Waiting. I Love You Christina.
    Time to Drink Ensure..& Eat..I have to learn to Breathe. His Wife Made Him Do That & I Can’t Go On FB Where My Persona Sits. All the West Hempstead boys & girls who I don’t know & everyone else who say they know me..
    I’m Going Shine..

  9. This is the 13th day Ive received a “message in a bottle.” Every day I am impacted, every day I grow. This particular message resonated more deeply than the others (and they all resonate deep). Ive always said, “embracing a difficult situation is half the battle.” of course this advise is easy to give but difficult to take. but to me, that is your message today. Grief=power, a super power! It almost makes me want to get a Super G t-shirt!

    I cried at church this morning (well I cry at church most mornings). I cry because I am sad, I cry because my husband died, I cry because I miss him. Sometimes I am self-conscious about crying in public….you know what are other people thinking? are they looking at me? Why can’t i control myself?

    Today I understand, I am training (grieving), developing if you will, developing my super power, honing my skills, honing me, growing!

    Thank you so much for getting it, and for putting it into words, and for making me feel just a bit more normal in a world that I no longer know how to operate in. xo

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Christina Rasmussen

Welcome to the Message in a Bottle page, here you will find wisdom, truth and tools for you to start over. Make sure you sign up at the top to be sure to receive it in your inbox every Friday.