Maybe it is just me,
but I get stronger with sadness.
I get fearless with more fear.
I refuse to give up the more obstacles I have.
The more times I am ignored. The more times I will stand up.
The more times I will die, the more lives I will live.
I danced under the moon last night.
And I felt timeless, lioness like.
But connected to the universe more than ever before.
Connected to the people who are gone before me.
In that moment there was no time, just the moon and me dancing under it.
Everything sad… disappeared.
Everyone who I lost… was found.
And I became stronger with sadness.
Fearless with more fear.
I understand I am different.
But I wasn’t always different.
I was the same as everyone else.
I did the same things every day.
I was a stay at home mom.
I had a normal life.
I was accepted.
I am who I am today because all was taken away from me.
I was no longer normal.
It felt like I lived in the 18th century, when the world was more cruel.
When we had less.
It felt like I was living in the street, homeless.
My heart was homeless for so long. I did not know that my sadness could get me stronger.
I didn’t know that my fear would get me fearless.
And I didn’t know the moon was mine to dance to.
I didn’t know that I was dead and I was about to be reborn.
When we are dead inside we don’t know we can live again.
When we are homeless we don’t know we can build our own home.
When we are afraid we don’t know we can be fearless.
When we are sad we don’t know we can be happy.
And happiness means something so different now.
It does not mean joy or bliss.
It does not mean peace.
It means choices, freedom.
Freedom to find my moon in the midst of thunderstorms.
Freedom to see my strength in the midst of my weakness.
Freedom to say hello to my warrior self while in battle for life.
While in battle to come back to the living.
This is the happiness I talk about.
Not the boxed in version we have been given when we were born.
Maybe our version of happiness after loss has to do with the moon and dancing under it.
Maybe tonight you will find your own moon and dance…dance like no one is watching.
PS. Give the gift of life to the people in your life: www.secondfirsts.com/book