The Chair

Growth does not happen in big spaces, with no resistance or pushing back.

It happens when the space around us is too small for us and we push out stretching

our environment as much as we can.

Change does not happen when you are relaxing on a big arm chair overlooking the ocean.

I wish it did.

routine

But I never heard someone tell me:

“I was sitting at this big chair overlooking the ocean and I evolved into this new person who could anything.”

Have you met someone who grew because of the wealth and comforts he had?

Change happens when you are crawling on your knees looking for your own space in the

world.

It happens when you are hungry, thirsty and angry.

Change requires motivation.

It requires restrictions.

It needs frustration.

So if you are sitting on a big chair with a cup of tea wondering why your life is not

changing…get off that chair.

Yes get off the chair.

Right about now.

I can see you sitting there with your feet up being sad.

That chair will not change your life.

You are too comfortable.

I know about your chair because I have one of my own.

 We all have a chair like that…

I am not telling you to throw your chair out.

The chair is needed on some days.

 But if the chair is overused you will never ever change your life.

You will be sitting there feeling uncomfortable for many years to come.

That chair makes your discomfort a little comfortable, and change is standing by far

away from that chair.

So today you need to make sure you get uncomfortable enough for change to knock on the door.

Change will find you if you do the following:

Say NO to something you have been saying yes to because it takes away the pain and frustration.

 For most people its either food, alcohol, or bad relationships that keep you comfortable but not alive.

Whatever it is let it go for today.

I promise the chair will be there tomorrow.

 So what is the thing you have been having in your life to keep numbing the pain?

With some restrictions,

Christina

PS. Join me live for an out of this world call. Getting uncomfortable together.…getting grief out of the closet. Register here for the free call: www.getgriefoutofthecloset.com

Comments

  1. Thanks Christina, I’m trying to make myself as “uncomfortable” as possible. Looking into schools… stretching, growing. It’s terrifying and wonderful all at the same time! Much love, Barbara

  2. *sigh* I so needed this today. I’m sitting in my chair. I’ve been sitting here off and on for the last 14 months. Waiting. Wishing. Despairing. And medicating myself with food (30 lbs of weight gain worth). My soul sees no end in sight. But I am uncomfortable, tired, frustrated, restless and I need a change. I need to put the ice cream away (it hurts my stomach but soothes the pain), take a shower and do my hair (cause I’m worth it), give the chair away (it hurts my back anyway) and take some steps. Small steps if need be but steps nonetheless.

  3. My “Chair” is actually not that comfortable. It is the hard-backed kitchen chair that I spend most of the day in, here in the prison of my mother’s house. I sit in that chair, and listen to her bitch, moan, and complain for hours at a time every day. I do not eat, shower, or get any work done until she gets up out of HER chair and leaves to go do something else, and finally I am free (for about 10 to 30 minutes), to try to squeeze some tiny bit of my OWN time in before she comes back down those stairs again.
    Today, before reading this, I went through those motions yet again, and when she left, I was finally able to get back to work on the painting that I’ve put less than 2 hours in, if you add them all up, in the last week and a half. Within 15 minutes she was back in that kitchen again, expressing her feelings on a chapter of Dr. Clarissa Estes’ book “Women Who Run With the Wolves”, and how she just spins her wheels all day long and never takes the time to find out what she really wants to do, but is just stuck-stuck-stuck…. I stopped what I was doing, as I have hundreds of times before, to give her my undivided attention, and simply said “I hear ya”, to which her anger and resentment towards me came out yet again….. she said to me, “At least you’re actually PAINTING something!!!” and ranted on for another half an hour. The truth is…. I paint about 1 1,000th of the time that I want to, because I feel so GUILTY. She is so filled with resentment, yet refuses to take control of her own life, so I have to NOT live mine as a result! I spent my life – not wanting to make friends, get a job, go on a date, try something new, drive a car, get married (been engaged for 9 years, because I feel too guilty to actually get married), buy a house…….. *And THAT was my greatest sin, as far as she’s concerned. I abandoned her and got a HOME of my own, and moved on with my life. Now that that dream has died, she wants to hold me in my chair in the kitchen, validating her in her misery, and NEVER get a life of my own ever again.
    So, I’m uncomfortable as hell IN the Chair, and the uncomfortable part of getting OUT of that chair is how angry and resentful I’ll make her, and all of the self-pitying fits she will pitch.
    So, what do you do in THAT situation????????

  4. Hi, Christina-

    Wow. I just read this about The Chair.
    I’m sure that I read it once before, and it simply
    did not register in a deeply personal way with me at the time.
    It does today.
    I am not even sure how many years I have been sitting in my chair.
    I think I have also changed chairs several times.
    I have been grieving losses for decades, and keep racking them up. Several losses are quite fresh. Right now, my life feels like lots of loss and grief, and little gain and happiness.
    Oh, and nothing in life fits.
    I read the responses to this, and could relate, especially to Erin, the artist. She sounds close to something good there…
    I think I am, too, and need to take steps. I’m joining a group here where I live. And, I am going to get your book when it comes out. And I am going to do some reading, re reading, and pondering on your writings. I think that the local group, and your book and writings will provide the jump start and some key guidance I need to break the grip of grief on my life.
    Thank you for this, Christine.

  5. I realized after reading your post, that someone doesn’t have to die in order for one to be stuck in a chair. It could be that something has to die within you, to get yourself out of that chair. For me it’s a long ago grief. It’s an idea that perfection needs to be met before getting out of the chair occurs.
    Movement is life.
    It is time to move.
    Thank you for this post.
    -Anna

  6. The chair? Wow – what a great read. Thank you. I don’t think grief from a death is the only thing that keeps you in the chair. I think we call stay in the chair as it is safe. I am in the chair. I know I am in the chair. Far to scared to move beyond it at the moment. Your idea of taking the leap of faith and moving from the chair for a while with the knowledge that its safety will still be there for your return? I like that. Many thanks. T

  7. My problem is that I KNOW I have to get up and move. I’ve been reading your book and trying my best to work my way through it. There are days when I can see things failry well and think I may actually be on the right track. Then there are days like yesterday and today when I feel like no matter how many days I work or how hard there will never be enough money, enough time, or enough of ME to go around to get all the things done that are requred of me. We just hit the 6 month mark Nov. 9th. Maybe I’m pushing too hard too soon. I don’t know. All I know is that I wind up withclusters of days when I feel so lost and confused I’m not even sure I’ve gotten my head extraced from my butt yet. Sorry to be so blunt. Its just how desperate I feel today. The week has been so very long and tiring. With holdiays just around the corner, a daughte inclooege and a sone trying to go back to college and not enough financail aid yet I jusst want to run screaming down the center of the road. I can’t even remember the last time I felt like someone was actuall protecting or taking care of ME. For years before his passing my husband suffered from PTSD and just sat in his misery like he was waiting for the inevitable end of life. In some ways I’ve been mourning the loos of his vitality for lover 5 years. Maybe that’s why I feel like I need to move forward now. My kids have suffered long enough and so have I. I am angry, hurt, lost. I guess its just a really rough day and I needed to unload. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I’m open to and hoping for any insight or suggestions from anyone here who has any wisdom to share though. I know that here, at least, I am not alone.

  8. I guess I am the only one writing at this point. I have no chair. I’ve been kicking & battling & fighting for my children & myself since I got so sick & my Husband died in 8 weeks 7 months later. I have no chair. I am my own advocate & I will start re-writing my book. I am surrounded by others who tell me I’m crazy or live in that “let’s Pretend” world we all grew up in. I leave my last name out so I’ll protect them. But I am exhausted & still have to eat. I have lots to do..This week is yet another very busy week. Almost done getting my help & all my ducks in a row. It’s freezing here.I have my own back. I am re-creating myself again. Thank you Christina.

  9. Love “the chair”. I just wish motivation is all it took. I have that. I am in the job I don’t like phase but I am plugging along. Trying trying trying to start making enough to save a little. I find myself just going “really?” A lot! In exasperation at what seems to cost money..for living for fun. I am trying to go to school. My student loans in limbo because they know I owe just not where My unpaid loan might be. “Really??” How do I owe money on a debt you cannot locate…sigh. so trying again next semester.
    I finally got my new ID..with my name changed. I cried so hard that night..was one of those so happy I married him moments..and then..boom..gone..”Really??” My kids are great and well. .pretty patient with Mom as she figures this out. They never have been rich but it has been better and they know it will be again.
    Talked to a friend about how we need to band together us single Mom’s and find a WaY to purchase a duplex. Easier said than done but we are looking into it and I am hopeful I won’t pay rent but a mortgage soon
    (Less than 6 mo. Anyway). Lots going on..am exhausted all the time but have made time for me and I force sleep upon myself. Six hours is my minimum for sleep a day. I am tired tho..oh physically. Mentally 100 mph and trying to not go stir crazy. I miss my camera. I should be doing that more. It relaxed me. I want a new tattoo. It’s been a few months and will be a couple more. My husband spoiled me with compliments..I miss male interaction and view points. One of them is very interested in me and is eager to help me “move on”. I love him for trying..and I hope he stays patient. I think I like him a lot and he’s ok with me being in that place for now. Thanks for this post. The chair would be a great place to hide from the world. .but the world won’t let me..and I know he wants me happy so out of the chair I get every day..like it or not.

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Christina Rasmussen

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