Break up. Its OK.


You have been friends forever.

They have known your kids since they were babies.

They have grown up with you!

But all of a sudden history is not enough to keep the friendship going.

Memories are not enough to sustain the connection.

You have changed.

Your life experiences are vastly different to your friend’s.

They don’t get you.

They have no clue what you go through every day.

You get into silly arguments quite often and your visits with each other are no longer a positive experience but something you dread.

But you are certain that letting them go is not an option.

How could you?

After all they haven’t mistreat you or done anything to hurt you.

You are just no longer aligned.

But you hang in there.

You go through all the dinners.

The coffees.

The calls.

But what if I told you it is time to let them go.

Close the door.

Walk away.

I closed the door to two very good friends this last year.

The door closed shut.

I want you to hear the shutting of the door.

It was air-tight.

Shut.

At first the guilt of moving on was haunting me day and night.

But as the days went by I felt more certain about this decision.

These friends were part of my old life and deep down they knew that things did not fit anymore.

We did not really see eye to eye.

It was not very pleasant to be together.

So I did it.

I broke up with them.

And it was over immediately.

How?

I just stopped saying yes to all the invites. I stopped calling them.

I went quiet.

And you know what happened?

They did not try too hard to stick around either.

One call unanswered. One NO.

They walked away too.

I learned something from that experience.

I should have let them go a long time ago. They actually felt the same way as I did.

I was just the brave one to shut the door first.

If you have had a tough loss, a job change, a divorce or going through a life interruption I know that you have a friend or two like mine.

Time is very valuable and we often do not have enough of it. Don’t spend your valuable time with people you would rather not visit with.

Today’s homework is all about breaking up with them.

Are you ready to shut that door?

With new friends and no guilt.

Christina

 

Comments

  1. How ironic that I got this today. It’s my 16th Wedding Anniversary. I looked at a picture on the chest this morning of my wedding day and realized quickly how things are always changing. The girl that was my attendant that day and I are no longer actively friends. Nothing bad happened, we still do see each other on occasion, but we both realized that our lives have taken different directions and trying to keep the facade of a friendship up that served us both better at a different time in our lives was just not healthy.

  2. I had to do this about a year and a half ago with a toxic friend… and it was really hard! I felt so guilty about it and only recently have I gotten over that guilt.

    Any advice on what to do if you have mutual friends with your significant other, who fall into this category? I don’t think he’d be quite ready to let go…

  3. I had to let go of my sister because she was mistreating me verbally, and emotionally. I felt guilty, but I felt that I had to walk away because it was no good for my well-being and sanity.

  4. I’m struggling with this very thing right now, only it is with my husband. We have been together 16 years, and for 14 of those 16 he has just been a roommate. No communication, nothing. I ready for it to be over. He refuses to accept any help whatsoever. No counseling, nothing. We have nothing in common any more. No longer do anything together. Sleep in seperate rooms. Have seperate interests. This relationship is becoming very toxic to me. Too much aggression and resentment forming on my part. I think it is time to leave. Any suggestions here?? I’m pulling at straws and you are my last effort. Thank you for what ever insight you can give.

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Christina Rasmussen

Welcome to the Message in a Bottle page, here you will find wisdom, truth and tools for you to start over. Make sure you sign up at the top to be sure to receive it in your inbox every Friday.