Guest blog: Learning to look within


 

We are all born with instincts that help us navigate through right and wrong.

We are taught from a very young age what is okay and what is not. We live, learn, and we make mistakes.

This is all human nature.

But, as we get older, we begin to learn that what we are searching for is actually within us.

When life throws us a curveball, and we are forced to deal with a bad situation, we are then given the choice to succumb or OVERCOME!

I have navigated my way through several “bumps” in my own life. At 12 years old, I was sexually abused by my best friend’s Father.

While attending therapy, I found an undying strength within myself that I carry with me even today.

I refused to let being a victim of sexual abuse control or define me.

I have always believed that it truly made me a stronger person – a notch in my life-belt if you will.

I never imagined that this early life lesson would prepare me for the horror later to come in my life.

As the youngest child in my family, with 2 older Brothers and a Daddy to protect me, I always believed that I would always have these protectors, built in security to ensure my safety and to help me feel secure in my own life. It wasn’t until my current horror story began that I discovered that only we are the true protectors of ourselves.

True self-reliance is the key to change.

My horror story started on January 19, 2011, upon returning from a nearby park with my two children, I opened the garage door to a note that read:

Please DO NOT go outside

Call the police.

I’m sorry!!

10 words that have forever changed my life.

I didn’t heed my Father’s warning. I went outside…and found my Father, my “Daddy”, lying in a kiddie pool full of blood, with a shotgun wound to the head – an image that is forever burned into my memory, scorched into my very fiber.

I’ve spent the past 14 months trying to do all I can to move on, to OVERCOME the horror of losing a parent to suicide.

I’ve sought professional help, I’ve leaned on friends and family, I’ve grieved the loss of the most incredible man, my Daddy.

I have used the strength I gained early on in life to do everything in my power to turn this negative into a positive.

Just a few short days after my Father took his own life, I began writing.

At first, it was a way to vent.

Then it became a way to share with my friends and family what is going on.

But soon it became so much more than that.

I have found a drive within myself to share my story with the world, with the hope that my horrible experience will save a life.

In life we are given a choice; a choice I believe is within us, a choice to make positives out of negatives, to turn a tragedy into triumph.

This is what lies within me.

This is what drives me to make the best out of each and every day.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters…compared to what lies within us.

–Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

About the author
My name is Whitney, I am a 29 year old stay at home Mother, and a survivor of suicide. I started my blog as a way to keep my friends and family informed of what was going on, and soon blossomed into my current drive to save/change as many lives as I can.

My blog http://www.daddyslittlegrill.blogspot.com is a collection of stories and experiences that show the aftermath that suicide leaves behind. It gives readers a firsthand account of what I have personally gone through after losing my Father to suicide. My hope is that it reaches those who have contemplated taking their own lives, and educates on the aftermath of suicide.

 

 

Comments

  1. Very well said Whitney. It’s so important for your voice to be heard. As a widow (not of suicide, but one who has friends experiencing this), one of our deepest concerns is for our children- how they will grow up and live with this experience in their life.

    You give us all and especially to those, so so much hope. Thank you for pouring out your heart on this- I can certainly tell you thought long and intentionally about these nurturing words. (smile)

    Love to you,
    Carolyn Moor

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