Dance with grief


As my 9 year old daughter was looking at the cover of my upcoming book ‘Dance with Grief‘ she leaned over and whispered:

‘Mommy what does it mean to dance with grief…how can you dance when you are crying?’

Instead of just giving her the answer I asked her:

Do you remember the days after daddy died and when we went to the beach and had fun with the waves?’

She said:

‘Yes I remember we were having fun while we were still sad.

Mommy now I understand what grief is.

I can always have the same feelings about daddy even though I am having fun.

Laughing and crying could be the same thing in a way, I remember daddy when I am doing both.’

As I am listening to her words and her wisdom I realize how much our society and culture has dictated our approach to grief and loss. Dancing with grief is not understood unless you have the heart and the young mind of a child who has not been introduced to the world’s reaction of her loss.

In her journey of grief she has been bold and adventurous, she has tried new experiences, she has made new friends she has loved a new dad and can still hold on to the daddy in her heart.

And in a soft voice and with the sparkle in her eyes she says to me ‘daddy is very proud of me for being brave.’ A smile is forming on her face and you can truly see how both strong and vulnerable she is.

That is what I ask of you, to be, both brave and scared, to have the thirst to move forward but the need to stay back.

When you realize grief can mean both worlds you will start seeing the life that is standing right in front of you.

And as my 9-year old daughter would say:

I love my dancing with grief life.’

I hope today you take her advice and go dance with grief.

Christina

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Comments

  1. children can always teach us things if we listen ,their minds are so full of beautiful things our minds have forgotten,sometimes I love to just ask a child something and just see what they have to say most of the time their answers will leave you ,laughting ,crying,or just in wonder as to where it came from.Thank you for sharing God Bless have a beautiful day.

  2. That is a lovely conversation. It make me reminse about what my baby asked me when she was around your daughters age, we were on a road trip to a neighboring city and from the back seat Meigs told me to never turn my back on God. She is in a way speaking to me after all these years. She lived until almost 3 years ago,when she took her life. Thank you for letting me recapture that moment!!!

  3. How beautiful.I remember the day when my darling little granddaughter told me,”grandma will we ever not miss PaPa?”I told her it would get easier but we would always miss him at times.She looked at me and wiped the tears from my eyes with her hand and said,”lets not cry today grandma,lets make brownies.” When I find myself sad and lonely,I remember Randee’s words and get busy with my day.Some days I cry but sometimes ,I just make brownies.

  4. My husband of over 36 years moved out at my request, he has a strong sexual addiction,
    with multible affairs. My 5yr grand-daughter was over for a visit. She walked over & sat on my lap, looked into my eyes & told me not to be sad about Poppy leaving…I need a “new boyfriend” she said, someone who would be nice to me, because Poppy wasn’t…And here I was, always wearing a smile & saying everything was fine…those around me saw the truth…I dont need a boyfriend, new or old…I need to find the “old” me & help make her better…ty for sharing..

  5. Tears are streaming down my face right now….beautiful and amazing through a child’s eyes. If we could all experience life that way. This is why God Made children.

  6. I am so grateful God led me to your site. I have helped people deal with grief for a decade now, and when I would encourage them to CELEBRATE the memories which allowed them to laugh through their tears and dance through their grief — it’s as if they were waiting for permission to let their heart lighten and play their pain away. I look forward to reading much more about your coaching and methods… Thank you!

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Christina Rasmussen

Welcome to the Message in a Bottle page, here you will find wisdom, truth and tools for you to start over. Make sure you sign up at the top to be sure to receive it in your inbox every Friday.